Sure has been a while...

It sure has been a while since I’ve written anything. Certainly not because I haven’t had anything to say. The past two years have been a bit of a whirlwind between the major teenage years (which are still passing), the start of high school, some big changes, major behavior challenges, and other events. There certainly is a lot to say. It’s more about finding the time to sit down and write about it. 

I’ve been telling myself for a long time now that I needed to get back to writing since it is such a major outlet for me. So this will be my attempt to do so. This may shift slightly from what is going on with my son to more what is going on as a family since the dynamics have changed so much. There are just some things I won’t write about, puberty being one, which is part of why I’ve been so silent for the last two years. That’s just no one’s business but our own. 

So to give you a quick update… Sparky is now a Junior in high school. (Holy crap! I know!) He is a week into the new school year and things seem to be going quite well. He decided during his Freshman year that he wanted to go to our local vo-tech program so he applied and was accepted into the Graphics Communications program and started last year. The program has been amazing. He started his 2nd year this year. The instructor is AMAZING with him. We are blessed in that his daughter has an Autistic son, so he has the patience, understanding, and approach that we need with Sparky. Right now he’s meeting all of his academic goals so he is actually looking to graduate on time with his peers. It’s taking a lot to sink in! In two years my baby is going to graduate from high school! This was something that was so hard to see when he was in Kindergarten…

I’ve spent the last two years working part time for an agency that sends me out to work with students in the classroom. Basically I run interventions and implement behavior plans that allow special needs/at risk children to remain in regular education settings and teach teachers and staff how to run the plans themselves. It’s stressful but very rewarding. My migraines have gotten so bad that I’ve actually been on disability for the last year, so I just work a couple hours a week to get out of the house and keep working with the clients that mean so much to me. My health took another nosedive earlier this summer when I had a couple SVT episodes in July. We are currently trying to figure out what is going on with that. We shall see what that does for my work and fitness future.

The redheaded husky has now been joined by a black/white sassy little girl that we rescued last summer. She is also a husky and came from an abusive breeder so she required a bit of work. She is a lovely little thing and is full of spunk and the perfect complement to the redhead. I was off for almost 5 months and it’s been a real trip trying to drink my coffee with my mug in the air while they run back and forth over my lap! I wouldn’t have it any other way though. Watching her blossom from this shy, terrified, uncertain puppy into this fully confident, sassy, quirky, hilarious creature has been completely worth it. The cats are, well, cats. Ollie is still very much Sparky’s love though he’s suffering his own health crisis. He suffered two collapsed lungs 2 summers ago and has been a medical miracle ever since. He’s still with us being the ornery yet lovable old man he is and we couldn’t be more thrilled. Though he has lost most of his teeth so now he has to eat wet food, so…. Yeah.

So that is essentially what we have been up to. I hope to have more to come on life, what is going on, the transitions into adulthood, and my insights into what we’ve experienced. There have been a few eye opening experiences that have connected a few dots. What a whirlwind it’s been!

Dear Teacher

On one hand I can understand how innocent you think your project is.  Just send home a paper about ancestry and ask kids to have their parents fill in the ancestry for mom, dad, and both sets of grandparents.  They return with it, you have a great class discussion, everyone learns something.

I have one problem with that. The traditional mom-dad-kiddo family is not so traditional any more...

What about students in those non-traditional families? Those in foster care? Single parent households? Adopted? Kinship care? Protective custody?

What about them? They may not know. They may not ever know.

Did you think about the families who had to deal with parents who’s rights were revoked? Families who were abandoned? Children in foster care who will never know anything about their birth families?

Imagine my shock when my son produced a family tree paper asking for his family ancestry. Imagine my shock when he asked me if he had a father and why he couldn’t remember him.

Let me share something with you, you can’t spring something like this on families and assume all will be well.  My honest response was not pretty. Truthful. But not pretty.

It shouldn’t matter. Honestly, I didn’t want to really discuss it because it shouldn’t matter. He technically does not exist. But thanks to you... He now does.

My son isn’t alone in how much he struggles.  Many children, disabled or not, struggle mightily.  Can you imagine how the child without one or both of their parents feels when they bring this paper home and can’t fill it out?

That is the case with us. Technically, his father does not exist. He is not a conversation that happens.

You see, a number of years ago the court decided that he was, in fact, a rather crappy and immature human being and revoked his parental rights. They saw him as unfit if you will.

You read that right, the court revoked his parental rights to his child. Not that he ever wanted anything to do with the kiddo...

Let that sink in.

I’m sure you’ll feel mortified when you read my note and find out that his father’s rights were revoked and that until now, he didn’t even know he should have one. He is not a topic of discussion.

The kicker? I guess they really don't share custody information despite saying they do and requiring me to prove it to the school with a copy of the order... Well, so much for that.

I’m really surprised that you would make such a basic assumption about families in this day and age.  At least warn the families that such a project is coming home. Let the family prepare for how to answer those questions or to opt out.  It’s really not something you can spring on someone like that.  I know I’m really bad at making things up on the spot...

It has really opened some wounds for me in many ways... The kiddo is struggling enough and now he knows his own father couldn't be bothered with him. He doesn't know why but I do. I won’t write it here because it’s reasoning that needs to come directly from me to my son, but I will comfortably say that he needs to burn in hell for what he said to me and the language he used...

These kinds of questions, especially without any preparation, can (and have) become a serious issue in a household like mine.  It’s not a subject that can be taken lightly or easily.

I went to Facebook with this because I was so upset.  My concerns and upset were shared by many from different backgrounds. I have adopted friends who especially felt the pain of it having done these types of assignments in the past but were left invalidated by it.  

Every family is different.  Family dynamics are different than they used to be.  Teachers need to be sensitive to these ever changing dynamics.  Teachers need to respect and be sensitive to how families operate today.  We long longer have the dad-mom-kiddo norm.  It is simply no longer the norm.

Please, be more sensitive to the culture that exists today. Adjust your thinking and ideals to match the students you serve in your classroom.  You owe them that much.

I leave you with this AMAZING video that was shared with me.

Watch This Guy Misspell ’Father’ At A Spelling Bee For A Beautiful Reason

I know I couldn’t stop crying.