Sure has been a while...

It sure has been a while since I’ve written anything. Certainly not because I haven’t had anything to say. The past two years have been a bit of a whirlwind between the major teenage years (which are still passing), the start of high school, some big changes, major behavior challenges, and other events. There certainly is a lot to say. It’s more about finding the time to sit down and write about it. 

I’ve been telling myself for a long time now that I needed to get back to writing since it is such a major outlet for me. So this will be my attempt to do so. This may shift slightly from what is going on with my son to more what is going on as a family since the dynamics have changed so much. There are just some things I won’t write about, puberty being one, which is part of why I’ve been so silent for the last two years. That’s just no one’s business but our own. 

So to give you a quick update… Sparky is now a Junior in high school. (Holy crap! I know!) He is a week into the new school year and things seem to be going quite well. He decided during his Freshman year that he wanted to go to our local vo-tech program so he applied and was accepted into the Graphics Communications program and started last year. The program has been amazing. He started his 2nd year this year. The instructor is AMAZING with him. We are blessed in that his daughter has an Autistic son, so he has the patience, understanding, and approach that we need with Sparky. Right now he’s meeting all of his academic goals so he is actually looking to graduate on time with his peers. It’s taking a lot to sink in! In two years my baby is going to graduate from high school! This was something that was so hard to see when he was in Kindergarten…

I’ve spent the last two years working part time for an agency that sends me out to work with students in the classroom. Basically I run interventions and implement behavior plans that allow special needs/at risk children to remain in regular education settings and teach teachers and staff how to run the plans themselves. It’s stressful but very rewarding. My migraines have gotten so bad that I’ve actually been on disability for the last year, so I just work a couple hours a week to get out of the house and keep working with the clients that mean so much to me. My health took another nosedive earlier this summer when I had a couple SVT episodes in July. We are currently trying to figure out what is going on with that. We shall see what that does for my work and fitness future.

The redheaded husky has now been joined by a black/white sassy little girl that we rescued last summer. She is also a husky and came from an abusive breeder so she required a bit of work. She is a lovely little thing and is full of spunk and the perfect complement to the redhead. I was off for almost 5 months and it’s been a real trip trying to drink my coffee with my mug in the air while they run back and forth over my lap! I wouldn’t have it any other way though. Watching her blossom from this shy, terrified, uncertain puppy into this fully confident, sassy, quirky, hilarious creature has been completely worth it. The cats are, well, cats. Ollie is still very much Sparky’s love though he’s suffering his own health crisis. He suffered two collapsed lungs 2 summers ago and has been a medical miracle ever since. He’s still with us being the ornery yet lovable old man he is and we couldn’t be more thrilled. Though he has lost most of his teeth so now he has to eat wet food, so…. Yeah.

So that is essentially what we have been up to. I hope to have more to come on life, what is going on, the transitions into adulthood, and my insights into what we’ve experienced. There have been a few eye opening experiences that have connected a few dots. What a whirlwind it’s been!

Our Great Summer Wrap-Up

It's been a couple of months since I've posted.  We have had one heck of a busy summer...  The past few months have been full of changes for us.  Some are for the better, some were simply devastating, and some just were.

Our summer did not start well, as many of you know.  We lost my Grandmere the first week of June.  That was one hell of a week...  Not even a month later my Aunt went into the hospital with stomach pains and while she was in there her husband (my Grandmere's son) went in after having a heart attack.  He ended up needing open heart surgery.  While he was recovering my other grandmother went into the hospital with chest pains.  This was followed by my own collapse in early July while the latter two were still in the hospital.

Crazy right?

We are all now on the mend and mostly recovered, thankfully.  We got to a point where we were about to ask the hospital for a 5th floor multiple room discount. ;)

For six weeks this summer we had the opportunity to send Sparky to a social skills camp run by the agency where we receive our BSC/TSS services.  The camp was run by our former BSC/Mobile Therapist who recently left our case.  We weren't really sure how he would do but were hoping for the best.  On day 2 of camp he was already asking to stay home next summer and not attend any camp.  This did not bode well...

Turns out it was wildly successful!  He ended up having a great time and made a few friends in the process.  I was really excited when on the last day of camp he received his first phone call from a friend! YAY!!!!  It was hilarious to listen to and made me realize that we need to work on his telephone skills. BADLY... Haha!

Sparky also went on his longest trip away from me!  He went with Grandma to visit my sister for six days.  If you've been on my page recently you'll know that it was a recent trip and it went quite well!  While he was off visiting his Aunt I participated in a weekend race across Lake Erie.  Oh, what fun that was!  After I returned I was thankful for the extra two days of peace before the kiddo came home so I could recover.  Sleep was not something to be had on that trip!  ;)  When he came home he barreled into me like a football player and nearly took me off my feet!  He was so excited to be home again.  He walked through the house and (naturally) tracked down each cat to greet them and tell them how much he missed them.  I'm not sure they missed him nearly as much as he missed them, but ya know... ;)

This summer also saw the end of my engagement to Strike.  He's still around as he is still important to us but the split needed to happen.  We still care about each other but it was just something that was a long time coming.  It was a really hard decision but it is for the best.  Sparky handled it quite well and seems to be none the worse for wear.  He also understands that Strike is still available if he wants to talk to him and he isn't completely gone from his life.  I think that helps a lot and has made all the difference in how he's handled this split verses how he still hasn't fully recovered from my split from Ears many years ago.

Now we sit here looking at the future!  The kiddo starts sixth grade this year (who told him he could grow up????) in middle school and I start a new job in our home school district.  I'm also going to be starting rehearsals soon for my next show now that I have the time again.  I can't wait!  My older sister (the last of us to make such an announcement) has finally made it public that she is due in January!  I'm extremely excited about this and I so can't wait! BABY!!! :D

Things are finally looking up for us as we prepare for some pretty major changes.  I'm really excited for what is to come and I can't wait to see where the road leads!  School starts a week later this year on Sept 2nd which means we have an extra week to enjoy summer!!

Now I have to figure out what exactly to do with it...  I had all these plans to visit different parks and museums but now time is running out.  I think we'll stick with the local zoo, baseball games, and the beach for now.  :)

Good luck with your back to school adventures!

 Here he is squeezing the bejeebes out of me and my face upon his return home. Ouch!!

Changes in the Wind

Ever have that moment where you are just sitting on the couch and have so much swirling in your head that you feel like it's going to explode?

Yeah. That's me tonight.

So I decided to write. Whatever comes out, comes out. :)

There is so much going on, so much to say, so much to think. It's very overwhelming.  We have a lot going on here on the home front.  Too much.  It's making me somewhat of an emotional mess.

On the plus side I did get to take the kiddo to a new psychologist this past Monday.  I took him to an Autistic focused clinic that is known for its residential treatment program.  I'm not putting him in residential treatment, its just known for that and has some top notch specialists.  That's exactly what we need...

The office was two hours away but lets face it, I'd drive to California if I needed to.  It was nice. We sat there with the intake psych for 2 hours covering absolutely everything you can think of, going over every detail of our lives, from structure to sensory needs to sleep to behaviors to you name it.  She asked great appropriate questions. She really took her time with us.

In early April we get to go meet with the psychiatrist there, discuss his current meds, and figure out the outpatient treatment plan.  I'm really hopeful that we will be able to finally get somewhere and get this kiddo the help he needs.  I'm so tired of watching my son struggle like this.  He shouldn't be.  He's such a happy, well loved child with so much going for him.  I will write more about this process later.

The influx of appointments and dedicated needs for him is absorbing a lot of time.  As many of you know, I returned to full time work not too long ago.  I made the painful and tough decision last week to withdraw from that.  My job has been really fantastic with the transition and since it is with the Federal government at the local VA hospital, they are able to make the accommodations I need and are allowing me to become intermittent.  So I will be able to work a couple of pre-scheduled days a week.  This will allow me to have the flexibility to do what I need for my son.  There are so many phone calls and appointments to be had when you are trying to get things set right!  I will sub at the local schools to fill in the voids.

It seems like a lot, right?  The plus side to this is that since Sparky now rides the bus every morning and every afternoon he won't see the variance in my schedule.  Considering how well (not!) he does with the craziness this is a really great thing.  Everything will stay the same for him, stay consistent.  It's my world that will go nuts! :)

Of course, he will notice when he wakes up and I'm still here in the morning (I presently leave around 7am for work and he's usually asleep at that time).  He will no doubt enjoy that. I know I will!

In the long run it's all for Sparky and that's what gets me through all of this.  He is my focus, as he should be.

This change in schedule will also hopefully allow me to get back to running again.  I could use the movement as it really helps with my migraines.  They are a little out of control right now.  It will no doubt do wonders for my own mental health and what is left of my sanity... ;)  Then I can create my game plan to get the kiddo out with me.  On his scooter of course. :)

So many changes going on around here.  In the long run, it is what is best.  I just have to keep reminding myself of that. I've said it before, and I will say it again in closing: We adjust, we adapt, we overcome. :)

Big Steps

As many of you know I have returned to work for now. We have to do what we have to in order to make ends meet right?

Well with this we've had major changes.....

Last Friday I had off so we did our test pilot and put the kiddo on the bus for the very first time ever. If you follow my page at all you'll know it was a blazing success!! For those of you who don't, despite all the anxiety on everyone's part, we prepped and planned very well. He came off the bus grinning ear to eat and saying that it was fun!

The bus he rides on is a special designation bus. It only has special needs kiddos from his school. That's it. No mixed population. So we thankfully get to avoid all the bs that goes with bullies. Since he lives on the other side of town and the school he attends isn't his home school (the same is true for the others on the bus) we also lose any weird stigma. These kids simply live elsewhere.

So I get off work at 4 now. I think this bus thing could work since his official drop off time is 4:14 pm. Even if he beats me home it won't be by more than 5 minutes. So begins our next round of prep. Getting him in the door without panicking if I'm not here.

Before you get all sweaty and upset with me, know that he can definitely handle it. He manages just fine when I'm sleeping till noon on lazy Saturdays. He is actually really excited over the prospect of being here by himself and proving some responsibility. He can manage the door locks and playing a game or watching TV till I get home. Even if he has the munchies he can also get himself a snack. He wants to prove he can stay home alone while I go to the store. The jury might stay out on that one for a long while but we'll see.

It's all good.

So I've been working with him on unlocking the door and what he needs to do when he gets home. His BSC has made some cards at my request to walk him through what to do if he beats me home. He's getting a key. His teachers, BSC, and Grandma are all on board and ready to test this out this week (Grandma will be meeting him here at home this first week, helping to walk him through what to do, while I time myself home).

Sunday night, plan in place, start date in T+2 days and it hit me.

I have no house phone.

What if he needs to call? What if he can't get in? What if he just needs a mommy eta time check?

Fudge.

Insert two frantic days of 'now what?!?!' here.

I've never had a house phone so I don't even know if these lines are any good. But I investigate anyway. $10 phone services exist right?

Wrong...

Upon closer inspection they aren't really $10 and some even interfere with home security systems. Well that doesn't help. I'd need a real, traditional phone line put in.

Mobile phone? I do have access to a new phone from a friend. Perfect.

And.... Holy crap are the plans expensive. Even the prepaid!! I can't add him to my line very easily because I have the ancient nonexistent plan from Verizon that gives me unlimited data that I will never give up. (Over my dead body!) I am still unclear on if it could be added to the iPad, also Verizon... Still investigating.

All this stuff takes too much time!! I need something ASAP!!

So I start looking at apps. Google voice (which I currently use for voice mail), Talkaphone, Skype...

None will work because they won't let me call myself. Ugh!!!! I went to bed very frustrated last night. So I sent out a call for help.

I got a lot of suggestions. I got some offers of free phones. Nothing that would really quite work. And some I just couldn't implement fast enough. (Phone offers are on standby....)

Then a dear friend (you may know him from Blogging Lily) clued my blonde self in to a brilliant idea.

Use a separate Skype account.

GENIUS!!!

Who doesn't have several email addresses sitting around collecting dust? I sure do!

So I set one up for him (I already had one). I gave it a password the kiddo would remember. I logged it in on my laptop. Shazam!!!! It worked! We did a test call to the account I already have and the kiddo nearly came out of his skin with excitement!

Hmm... Will it go on the iPad? .... I look... Holy crap on toast it will!! So I set it up there. Once again the kiddo's skin peeled off in his excitement.

Wait! The phone! My old phone travels to school with him and he gets it for rewards to make videos or whatever. It basically runs like the iPad so it's usable. Internet over Wi-Fi.... I log it on... It works!!! I think he might have passed out.... ;)

I think we are covered for now.

He's growing up so fast on me.... Please pray for my sanity this week. :D

Another School Year on the Books

So another school year has begun. I'm sort of over the whole 5th grade thing. Sort of. I'm working on it, I promise! It's just hard to believe that he's reaching middle school (it starts at 6th grade in our district).

Thus far it has gone off without a hitch. I kind of feel like it's the calm before the storm, but we shall see.

Last Monday I took the kiddo to go see his classroom. Due to some major shifting in the district his AS teacher got moved to a new classroom. In order to keep things flowing and have very few surprises on the first day we decided that he should definitely see the room before school started on Tuesday.

We get to the school and we stop to look at the class listings posted on the door. We knew who his gen ed teacher was going to be but I wanted to see who was in his room. I'm reading down through the list of names for him and I pause...

"Hey buddy, you are never going to believe who is in your homeroom!"
"Who?!"

I read her name, that sweet girl that is his 'girlfriend' that he made that Valentine for last year. He let out a yelp and grinned so big I thought his face would crack. He even started jumping around. He was so thrilled! I keep reading through the names and one of his friends, P, from the AS room is also in his class.

Perfect.

We walk on in and start looking for his new AS room. We find it with little effort and Mrs. L is waiting for him. They also have two new, young, male aides this year... (They looked like babies to me but in all fairness they are probably 22ish). Having these two young men in there should definitely be an asset to Mrs. L and her other lady aide, neither of whom are getting any younger. They are probably thrilled to have these young guys available to chase the kiddos.

But I'm getting off topic.

We head on down to the 5th grade pod to find his homeroom. He stops by the LS class and talks to his teacher there and starts talking his ear off about Minecraft. "Hey A, did you read this summer?" Silence. Haha! Like he read this summer.... :D  We then walk over to the other corner of the pod to his new homeroom.

His new teacher this year is one of those annoying bubbly types. The kind that you just want to smack at times... This is actually a good thing for him. He needs that bubbliness to keep him going. He finds his seat, his friend P is next to him and.... Yep. His cute little gf is sitting kitty corner to him.

If I thought he couldn't possibly get more excited, I was totally wrong....

Naturally I kept teasing him about whether or not he was going to pay attention in class or if he'd be too busy staring at her. Haha! ("Mom, you are NOT funny!")

The next morning I walked in with the kiddo, sat with him through breakfast as I always do the first day, and walked with him to his room. This year he gets to go straight to his homeroom to check in. (He used to check in at AS, leave his stuff, and then travel to homeroom for morning stuff.) We arrive at the room, he kisses and hugs me, and travels on in. His gf sees him, her face lights up, and she waves at him.

Ok, I have to pause here. I've seen this girl on and off for 5 years. She was in his 1st grade class. She is deadpan. I have NEVER seen her smile. In fact, Mrs. L and I had just been talking the day before about how no one ever sees her smile. Ever.

She SMILED for my kiddo, folks. She SMILED. MY KID has that affect on her.

Holy crap on toast.......

I need a minute to absorb this....

Ok. Moving on.

I get a note home that the kiddo had a great first day and remained excited all day long. Well of course! From what the aide told me at the end of the day he got to hang out with his gf and his friend P ALL DAY. Naturally he's excited! She also noted that she thinks someone is ready for 5th grade. Well, I'm glad someone is..... ;)

He had homework. Of course. Cause some things are just too good to be true. We had our usual homework battle. Let's face it though, who is ready for homework, and reading comprehension at that, on the first day of school? Not even I am ready for that. But we made it through.

This excitement stayed with him throughout the week when on Friday morning he told me, "Mom, I don't know if I can do this 5th grade thing." To which I told him of course he can! He has thus far, it will be great! In my usual whaddayatalkinabout kind of mom way. He kind of looked at me funny, kissed my cheek, and went on in to breakfast.

So a couple of other things happened this week that are pretty awesome too:

1. He's made me breakfast every single morning. A S'mores poptart, toasted, that he would put on a plate and leave next to my laptop with a little note.
2. He wore a Sonic shirt on Wednesday because his gf told him Tuesday that she likes Sonic. So he HAD to wear his for her. (This is HUGE!!!!) Reports are she loved it.
3. He took a bath every single time I asked him to, all on his own. I realize this shouldn't be big news, but if you've followed me for a while you'd know the hell I'd go through and the battle it was getting him into the tub.
4. He has woken up and gotten himself dressed every single day. I honestly wonder how long this will last and how long it will be before he's sleeping in and I'm dressing him as he sleeps.... But I'll take it while I can get it!
5. His Minecraft playing is down. Like so far down he's only playing maybe an hour a day. As in, in the car on the way to/from school. Honestly, I'm not even sure he played it yesterday or today as of yet. I can definitely live with this... (Although he does still really want the computer version, which he will likely get soon, but on my laptop where I can limit it better than I can on the desktop.)
6. I got him to take an unannounced, unscheduled, impromptu walk on the beach. Successfully.

Let's hope for a repeat next week! Hey, a girl can dream, right? :)

He's Growing Up....

My baby is growing up.

Sounds like a pretty obvious statement I know. He is starting 5th grade next week. He is 10 years old.

Over the summer we've been home every day together. Just doing what we do. I've had a first row seat to every thought, feeling, attitude, idea, and quirk to come his way.

I can see the changes.

Mental.

Emotional.

Physical.

It is quite easy to brush aside the mental and emotional changes. They are, after all, not very concrete. Just slips of whispers on the wind gliding by...

The physical changes are a bit harder. He's changing. His body is changing. He's going from my sweet little boy to a young  man.

Ten is a little too young, you think? Not so.

With every wrangled bath, every swipe of deodorant, every dark new hair, each independent new thought, every new inch he grows, I know.

It kind of makes me want to turn back the clock. Try to make up for all those times when I just "didn't have the time" to do so much with him when he was little. I want to embrace the little boy just a little more before I face the man he is becoming.

But I can't turn back time. I can't even slow time. I'm left to only live here in the present moment with him. Snuggling as long as he'll let me. Accepting his many kisses on the cheek. And loving the thoughtful polite little man he is turning out to be.

My mommy heart is breaking. But at the same time, it is bursting with the joy of seeing the amazing person he is turning out to be.

I am, beyond a doubt, one happy and proud mama.

The First Week has Come and Gone....

Whew! The first week of school has come and gone and we survived. Both of us. We had a few homework battles but that is to be expected, right? It seems the Star Chart and earning the Mario plush toys has been a huge motivator for him and works wonderfully as a behavior modification plan. It has become one of my greatest ideas! Even his BSC is impressed. She even mentioned it in a meeting with her coworkers and supervisors! Whoo hoo!

Anyway, back off the side road... I've added a couple of things to his "required" items that are school related that I like quite a bit. Not only is homework one (being our biggest battle and I was forewarned he'd have math homework every night) but reading me a book is also one. On nights he doesn't have homework like Fridays and weekends? Well, he can read me another book. That makes two books and he can get his homework star! It's a great way for him to work on his reading fluency. (Can you tell I'm a teacher?)

This has actually worked out well. My fiance and I just love listening to him read. He'll do all the little voices of the characters and uses inflection! It's pretty impressive really. Not to mention how he does love to read. We have more books in this house then I have shelves to put them on! Every time the book fair comes to school this kid gets to go with a surprising amount of money and get several books. The teachers looked at me funny at first, but now they know! He'll spend every last dollar! He even helps the school aides set up the book swap and they'll let him choose a couple books in trade. He keeps bringing out books to read that I've never seen before!

What makes this chart even better right now? Since he has his own chores to do, like feed the cats and empty/fill the dishwasher and my favorite -clean up his toys, it leaves me a little more time to work on my classes for my Masters (Special Education for anyone who isn't aware). So far my house has remained relatively clean and therefore, my sanity is remaining somewhat intact. I HATE clutter. It messes with my mind. I also hate stepping on toys. Especially Legos. What makes those things hurt so much?

Anyways.... His ADHD meds haven't done a whole lot yet so his doctor doubled them. Hopefully we can see some change and we never get to "hell week." That week should be coming up soon. You know, the week where the novelty of new teachers and new classmates wears off and all hell breaks loose? I'm hoping that this year, it never happens.  Guess we'll see.

Another great thing? Sleep. Yep, I said it. He's SLEEPING! Since the melatonin dose was so high and not being effective his doc put him on a sleep aid and by golly.... It works! He's asleep within half an hour and out cold.... ALL NIGHT! Holy cow! No more 4 am eyeballs peeking over the edge of the mattress! HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I've gotten comments about how much more rested he seems at school and how he's in a much better mood walking to his class in the morning than he was last year or any other year. Yes!  Since I drop him off in the morning before school starts now he is able to wake up on his own and start his own day before we go. This is a huge plus since it's his natural clock at work here! Dropping him off and picking him up at the end of the day also gives me the face to face time with his AS teacher and aides. They actually told me last week that since they see me every afternoon they weren't going to write in the communication log because it takes too much time and they'd just talk to me when I picked him up. Ok! We still write notes obviously if need be and can contact each other by cell phone.

So far 4th grade is shaping up to be a pretty good year for him. Here's to hoping it continues!

Love this kid!

Have I mentioned lately how much I love this kid?

No really. He totally rocks. I know, we are all supposed to think that of our children but really, he's the best.

Sure I get frustrated. Sure I want to throw things, yell, scream, hole up, etc. But really, at the end of the day, he is truly my heart.

I've been counting down the days until school starts (2 days!) like all parents do. How many days it is until we can get that 6 hour break, 5 days a week. When I reflect back on this summer, the first summer ever like this one, I have to say.... I just may miss him.

This is my first summer where I didn't work. For 9 years I have worked 40 hours a week (and in recent years had summer courses for my Master's) and had so little time to spare. This summer he was away for one day a week. He went to the local YMCA every Monday and had one heck of a time at Camp Sherwin with his TSS in tow.

We spent 99% of our time attached at the hip. There were times when I was quite certain that what was left of my sanity would just fly right out the window. He would sneak into my bed in the middle of the night. Curl up with me in the morning. Interrupt my showers. Follow me around the house. Accompany me on every errand. Even go out to dinner with me and my girl friends.

He saw more of his mommy's daily life in one summer than he has the previous 9 years combined.

His BSC asked me yesterday if I had seen any of the behavior we saw at the end of the school year. He was clingy, would cry easily, and was constantly fearing that I didn't love him for some reason.

You know... I haven't. She said this summer must have been great for us, it allowed us to reconnect and he got to see how much he is loved.

Well damn. She's right.

I think back to all the lazy mornings. Announcements of being out of some food item or another (seemingly every day). Paper creations everywhere. Legos.... (Nuff said!) Pleas to stay up (not like either of us had anyplace to be!). Road trips. Explosions from the microwave. Strange noises I'd hear as I lay in bed quickly followed by "It's ok mom! Everything is all right, I promise! It was nothing!" I can't help but chuckle.

Last night I told him he had to start sleeping in his own bed. I barely had it out when he asked why. I told him he needed to get ready for school to start. I could see it in his face. As excited as he is for 4th grade....

He isn't ready for summer to end either.