Sure has been a while...

It sure has been a while since I’ve written anything. Certainly not because I haven’t had anything to say. The past two years have been a bit of a whirlwind between the major teenage years (which are still passing), the start of high school, some big changes, major behavior challenges, and other events. There certainly is a lot to say. It’s more about finding the time to sit down and write about it. 

I’ve been telling myself for a long time now that I needed to get back to writing since it is such a major outlet for me. So this will be my attempt to do so. This may shift slightly from what is going on with my son to more what is going on as a family since the dynamics have changed so much. There are just some things I won’t write about, puberty being one, which is part of why I’ve been so silent for the last two years. That’s just no one’s business but our own. 

So to give you a quick update… Sparky is now a Junior in high school. (Holy crap! I know!) He is a week into the new school year and things seem to be going quite well. He decided during his Freshman year that he wanted to go to our local vo-tech program so he applied and was accepted into the Graphics Communications program and started last year. The program has been amazing. He started his 2nd year this year. The instructor is AMAZING with him. We are blessed in that his daughter has an Autistic son, so he has the patience, understanding, and approach that we need with Sparky. Right now he’s meeting all of his academic goals so he is actually looking to graduate on time with his peers. It’s taking a lot to sink in! In two years my baby is going to graduate from high school! This was something that was so hard to see when he was in Kindergarten…

I’ve spent the last two years working part time for an agency that sends me out to work with students in the classroom. Basically I run interventions and implement behavior plans that allow special needs/at risk children to remain in regular education settings and teach teachers and staff how to run the plans themselves. It’s stressful but very rewarding. My migraines have gotten so bad that I’ve actually been on disability for the last year, so I just work a couple hours a week to get out of the house and keep working with the clients that mean so much to me. My health took another nosedive earlier this summer when I had a couple SVT episodes in July. We are currently trying to figure out what is going on with that. We shall see what that does for my work and fitness future.

The redheaded husky has now been joined by a black/white sassy little girl that we rescued last summer. She is also a husky and came from an abusive breeder so she required a bit of work. She is a lovely little thing and is full of spunk and the perfect complement to the redhead. I was off for almost 5 months and it’s been a real trip trying to drink my coffee with my mug in the air while they run back and forth over my lap! I wouldn’t have it any other way though. Watching her blossom from this shy, terrified, uncertain puppy into this fully confident, sassy, quirky, hilarious creature has been completely worth it. The cats are, well, cats. Ollie is still very much Sparky’s love though he’s suffering his own health crisis. He suffered two collapsed lungs 2 summers ago and has been a medical miracle ever since. He’s still with us being the ornery yet lovable old man he is and we couldn’t be more thrilled. Though he has lost most of his teeth so now he has to eat wet food, so…. Yeah.

So that is essentially what we have been up to. I hope to have more to come on life, what is going on, the transitions into adulthood, and my insights into what we’ve experienced. There have been a few eye opening experiences that have connected a few dots. What a whirlwind it’s been!

Single Motherhood

Today is Mother's Day as we all know.  For some reason, this year I'm feeling particularly emotional about it.  As you all know I'm a single mom.  As in, a single mom by true definition. (Someone who raises her child entirely on her own, dad is non-existent: aka, single parenthood.)  It certainly hasn't been easy but it definitely has been rewarding.

I've had to fight for everything over the years.  Society is not kind to women in general and it is even more unkind to single mothers.  Single mothers with special needs children? Forget it!!  We are invisible to the world.  My son is only seen because I scream. A. Lot.  If I didn't, he'd be lost in the shuffle: no insurance, no services, and no where near where he is today.  He would still be a non-verbal, increasingly aggressive child.

I had to fight my way through college for my BA in Arts, then more recently for my MEd in Special Education.  I had to fight for every job I had and then fight to keep it.  As a single mom I can't just call dad in to help.  I am my own reinforcements.  I have to do it all on my own.  The kiddo gets sick at school?  It's me leaving work to pick him up.  As a woman I get paid less.  Imagine trying to pay your bills on a single, small income.  Getting a second job was a thought but never a reality.  Why?  Because when you have a special needs child, you just can't do it.  Someone has to fight for services.  Someone has to do the leg work.  Someone has to be home to care for him.  There is no tag team to happen here.  Once again, I'm left on my own. 

I would think that dating when you have typical children is hard enough.  But dating when you have a child with the complex needs that our kiddos have?  It's laughable.  With how special needs families split at such a high rate, how can our dating lives be successful?  The more care your child requires, the less time you have to focus on anything else.  Hell, you don't even have time to spend on yourself...  The balance is a hard one to find and keep.  Someone to watch the kiddo?  Can you hear me laughing yet?  On the upside, less than quality guys get weeded out reeeeeeallly quick. ;)

I make just over the limit for welfare.  Due to a loophole, a freaking LOOPHOLE, my son kept health insurance.  I often go without, making any doctor's appointments out of pocket expenses for me.  I didn't even qualify for the recent Obamacare stuff.  I made too little for it but too much for Medicaid.  I was even fined for it on my taxes this year.  Money I could have used to pay for my medical costs or care of my son, the IRS took as a fine...  Once again, we fell in the cracks.

There's a huge societal stigma on single motherhood still.  If my son does something unexpected or "wrong" then I'm to blame. Society blames it on the fact that he's being raised by a single mom.  Surely I can't raise him properly. (/snark)  They even blame me for his list of diagnosis.  (Yes, this crap seriously exists.) The attitudes I get from people are mind-boggling.

Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight.  That's all I do.  I fight for his rights.  I fight for my rights.  I fight against the stigma of being a single mom.  I fight for our ability to just live.

But you know what?

I wouldn't change a damn thing about it.  Nothing.

I love being a single mom.  It has taught us the real value of things in life.  We appreciate what little we have.  We appreciate our time together.  We actually SPEND time together.  We don't care about money or trinkets or the latest and greatest vacation.  We appreciate the beach just a mile from our house.  We appreciate the parks we can visit.  We appreciate visiting family and friends and just hanging out.  We have a love for life and the ability to actually enjoy it.  For us, the little things do matter.  (And hell, I don't even have to argue with anyone else about what I do with him or where I take him! BONUS! ;) Haha!)

For me, everything is two-fold.  Yes, the bad is as well but really I focus on the good.  Every achievement feels twice as good.  Every battle won is cause for celebration.  Every goal we surpass is defining. 

My son understands the value of love.  What it means to love someone.  Truly love.  And he is joyous, caring, nurturing, and frankly one of the best souls out there.  You won't see this child talk back to me.  You won't see him order me around.  You won't see him disrespect me or anyone else.  Something I see and am the recipient of on a daily basis as a teacher...  This is one of the best reflections you can have on you as a parent: a respectful, caring child.

Despite all of society's ignorance, this single mom (and many like me) are doing one hell of a bang up job raising beautiful children who will become amazing adults.  We defy the odds.  We are strong women who will never give up on making our children's dreams come true.  Society gives us barriers with a broken system stacked against us.  We don't take "no" for an answer.

We push through.  Here's to all the single moms (and dads!!) out there keeping up the good fight!