tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481536405317790612024-03-20T05:03:41.182-04:00Autism Mom DiariesA single mom's journey through life with her Autistic son. Often a comedy of errors full of joys and tears.Jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18111661395707448399noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-60409680009465857572019-09-05T09:09:00.000-04:002019-09-05T09:09:11.329-04:00Sure has been a while...<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-16178e3c-7fff-ff8e-7334-5eb2f47ef2f1" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It sure has been a while since I’ve written anything. Certainly not because I haven’t had anything to say. The past two years have been a bit of a whirlwind between the major teenage years (which are still passing), the start of high school, some big changes, major behavior challenges, and other events. There certainly is a lot to say. It’s more about finding the time to sit down and write about it. </span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve been telling myself for a long time now that I needed to get back to writing since it is such a major outlet for me. So this will be my attempt to do so. This may shift slightly from what is going on with my son to more what is going on as a family since the dynamics have changed so much. There are just some things I won’t write about, puberty being one, which is part of why I’ve been so silent for the last two years. That’s just no one’s business but our own. </span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So to give you a quick update… Sparky is now a Junior in high school. (Holy crap! I know!) He is a week into the new school year and things seem to be going quite well. He decided during his Freshman year that he wanted to go to our local vo-tech program so he applied and was accepted into the Graphics Communications program and started last year. The program has been amazing. He started his 2nd year this year. The instructor is AMAZING with him. We are blessed in that his daughter has an Autistic son, so he has the patience, understanding, and approach that we need with Sparky. Right now he’s meeting all of his academic goals so he is actually looking to graduate on time with his peers. It’s taking a lot to sink in! In two years my baby is going to graduate from high school! This was something that was so hard to see when he was in Kindergarten…</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve spent the last two years working part time for an agency that sends me out to work with students in the classroom. Basically I run interventions and implement behavior plans that allow special needs/at risk children to remain in regular education settings and teach teachers and staff how to run the plans themselves. It’s stressful but very rewarding. My migraines have gotten so bad that I’ve actually been on disability for the last year, so I just work a couple hours a week to get out of the house and keep working with the clients that mean so much to me. My health took another nosedive earlier this summer when I had a couple SVT episodes in July. We are currently trying to figure out what is going on with that. We shall see what that does for my work and fitness future.</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The redheaded husky has now been joined by a black/white sassy little girl that we rescued last summer. She is also a husky and came from an abusive breeder so she required a bit of work. She is a lovely little thing and is full of spunk and the perfect complement to the redhead. I was off for almost 5 months and it’s been a real trip trying to drink my coffee with my mug in the air while they run back and forth over my lap! I wouldn’t have it any other way though. Watching her blossom from this shy, terrified, uncertain puppy into this fully confident, sassy, quirky, hilarious creature has been completely worth it. The cats are, well, cats. Ollie is still very much Sparky’s love though he’s suffering his own health crisis. He suffered two collapsed lungs 2 summers ago and has been a medical miracle ever since. He’s still with us being the ornery yet lovable old man he is and we couldn’t be more thrilled. Though he has lost most of his teeth so now he has to eat wet food, so…. Yeah.</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So that is essentially what we have been up to. I hope to have more to come on life, what is going on, the transitions into adulthood, and my insights into what we’ve experienced. There have been a few eye opening experiences that have connected a few dots. What a whirlwind it’s been!</span></div>
Jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18111661395707448399noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-70757979404767319292017-07-02T14:45:00.000-04:002017-07-02T14:45:58.739-04:00The Power of Words<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
We say all the time to never underestimate the power of a
kind word. It is very true, regardless of who you are speaking to, be it a
stranger, friend, family, or even your own child. It can have such a profound impact
on that person. Words are powerful, for better or worse. They can make or break
a person or relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They can make
or break a moment or experience. I think this is especially true when it comes
to our own children. Especially when they suffer from low self-esteem and struggle
so much with their own self-worth.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last week I went on a sailing regatta and boy did I need the
break! I felt like I was going stir crazy and just losing my mind. I was
becoming short with everyone and everything and I just couldn’t curb it. We
were having a really rough start to summer and I was really stressed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kiddo was testing every boundary under
the sun and it was just teenage attitude to the nth degree and then some. I
wasn’t sure he was going to survive much longer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was counting down and really looking
forward to a few days away, completely disconnected from the world.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
During the trip I received a pretty juicy concussion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was pretty out of it and very tired
(naturally).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few days later when we
returned home and I picked my son up, I promptly fell asleep on the couch at a
mere 4:00 in the afternoon. Oops. I remember him waking me up at some point to
ask me something about dinner and chicken noodle soup. Then again with
something about showering. Then finally about bed. At that point I was so
groggy I didn’t even know what day it was. He reminded me of his rule of going
to bed (if mommy is too tired then mommy needs to go to bed and not sleep on
the couch) and I sent him to bed. At this point I got up, tucked him in, told
him I was sorry for being so out of it and that I was proud of him for being so
on the ball, and went to bed myself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next day I didn’t fare much better but I did make it to
work and get through the day. He helped me quite a bit throughout the day with
getting the dishes done, helping me make dinner, getting things I needed when I
was too dizzy and sick to move, and making sure he got his shower and took his
meds. My boy was on the ball. I kept telling him how proud of was of him and
how amazing he was being.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Things have pretty much continued in that way. He’s being
patient with me. He’s reminding me of things. He’s showering me with hugs and
kisses. He’s letting me sleep. He’s letting the dog in and out without
screaming at the broken screen door. And I can only respond with how proud I am
of him and how amazing he is being. He really has been a rock star.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here we are today and I’m in my room after a shower and he
comes upstairs with the towels I had started to wash the other day. Dry. Ready
to be put away. Big grin on his face. He started his own laundry without being
asked. When he realized he forgot some clothes, he didn’t flip out (which is
HUGE) he just came to me and said he didn’t know what to do. So I helped him
build a load with a blanket and two jackets I couldn’t fit in my wash from the
trip.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I got to thinking while on the trip about all the hype over
having your kids be outside and creative and not on anything electronic over
the summer. At first I thought it was a great idea, let’s have him be creative
first before getting on the computer! Have him draw, have him use Legos,
whatever. But you know what? Who cares? He goes to a camp with other Autistic
kiddos for socialization and anger management skills. When he is on the
computer he IS creating. He’s making computer game levels and characters. He
works so hard all school year to keep it together, he deserves the break too.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The entire dynamic in this house has changed. He’s listening
again (actually coming the first time I call, not after I turn into the crazy
woman and go looking for him), he’s doing what he’s being asked to do, he’s not
whining, he’s not yelling, and the attitude? So far it’s on hiatus. He is
making me so proud with how well he’s been doing. He’s been making sure I’m ok.
He’s been snuggling in with me in the morning. He’s been getting me anything I
need if I can’t get up at that time due to dizziness. Last night he even made
me a S’more in the microwave so I could have a snack too. I’ve always known he’s
the best kid out there, lately, he’s been proving it all over again. All
because I keep reminding him of how amazing he is.</div>
Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-7942282606484533532016-06-06T20:20:00.002-04:002016-06-06T20:21:18.000-04:00A Candle In A Hurricaine<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="false"
DefSemiHidden="false" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="371">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:107%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
This post is probably going to come off a bit harsh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If nothing else, a bit rough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is a hard reality to this life, one
that often sits in the shadows and no one wants to look behind the curtain to
dust the windowsill.<br />
<br />
The past year has been a pretty rough one in the AMD household.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sparky is hitting puberty at this point (he
is 13 now) and all of the changes and hormones are making things much more
difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He doesn’t understand what is
going on and he thinks there is something wrong with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, he’s been told by everyone from me to
the psychologist to the mobile therapist to the mental health therapist that it’s
all normal and he’s ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For all he
understands, we may as well be talking to the wall.<br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You feel like a candle in a hurricane<br />
Just like a picture with a broken frame<br />
Alone and helpless<br />
Like you've lost your fight<br />
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright</i><br />
<br />
The past several months have led to a surge in behaviors as he has both
regressed and escalated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His coping
skills and ability to manage has regressed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His behaviors have escalated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At
the moment we are working overtime to keep him safe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think the worst of the issues we face is a
strong elopement urge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His need to
wander, especially at night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you
recall <a href="http://autismmomdiaries.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-day-i-lost-him.html" target="_blank">he did this years ago</a>, during the daytime, but it was rare.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a more common occurrence now and this
time, at night. He still has absolutely no sense of danger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How much more
frightening can you get?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">'Cause when push comes to shove<br />
You taste what you're made of<br />
You might bend, 'til you break<br />
'Cause it's all you can take<br />
On your knees you look up<br />
Decide you've had enough<br />
You get mad, you get strong<br />
Wipe your hands, shake it off<br />
Then you stand,<br />
Then you stand</i><br />
<br />
I always took for granted that the house alarm would work so well to keep him in
the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was quickly erased when
he made the connection between the key fob on my keys and the house alarm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>About two weeks ago, just as I was falling
asleep, I heard the door open.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He used
the fob to disarm the system and go right out the back door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being deaf I never actually heard the crazy
loud beep of the system disarming (but it must have roused me subconsciously enough
to hear the door).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t even want to
think of what would have happened had I not woken up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We live in an area where we are surrounded by
main roads.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He could have been gone in
no time.<br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Life's like a novel<br />
With the end ripped out<br />
The edge of a canyon<br />
With only one way down<br />
Take what you're given before it's gone<br />
And start holding on, keep holding on<br />
<br />
</i>It doesn’t end there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Naturally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why would it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His mood is no longer stable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can’t seem to find a good balance
anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s been depressed,
aggressive, and self-injurious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ended
up finding him a new psychologist just two months ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Around that same time we added in Family
Based Mental Health Services (the most intensive services you can get).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We adjusted his medications.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything feels like a waiting game anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are now looking at taking him to one of
the major hospitals a couple hours away to have him evaluated by the
psychologists there (Cleveland, maybe Pittsburgh) and see what they can
do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t seem to be catching a break
and it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen any time soon.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />
<br />
'Cause when push comes to shove<br />
You taste what you're made of<br />
You might bend 'til you break<br />
'Cause it's all you can take<br />
On your knees you look up<br />
Decide you've had enough<br />
You get mad, you get strong<br />
Wipe your hands, shake it off<br />
Then you stand,<br />
Yeah, then you stand<br />
<br />
</i>I now live in this constant state of fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I lock up the keys when I go to bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I sleep lighter than a feather.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Every night it’s the same routine:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Goodnight, I love you, Stay safe, No shenanigans, Stay in bed, Right to
sleep, DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being so
disadvantaged I am terrified he’ll find a way out and I won’t hear him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the time I discover it, it will be far too
late.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought I knew was sheer exhaustion
was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was totally wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sleep all day when he’s at school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t concentrate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My migraines are sheer at peak level “Hell.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To say I’m stressed is probably the
understatement of the century.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />
<br />
Every time you get up<br />
And get back in the race<br />
One more small piece of you<br />
Starts to fall into place<br />
Oh<br />
<br />
</i>All I can do is keep pushing, keep moving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just pick myself up, dust myself, and keep going.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been fighting for so long I can’t
possibly stop now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are days, I won’t
lie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Many.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where I just want to throw my hands in the
air and give up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m so worn down, so
frustrated, so exhausted, so defeated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
cry more now than I think I ever have, I actually cry daily, and it doesn’t
take much to start the flow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I often
feel like I’m riding an emotional roller coaster to hell and back again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then every morning, when I wake up and he’s
safely in his bed still, I feel better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I breathe a little easier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I put
on my happy face mask and thank God for keeping us through another night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />
<br />
Yeah, then you stand,<br />
Yeah, yeah, baby<br />
Woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo<br />
<br />
Then you stand, yeah, yeah</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Vzpjv_kR4" target="_blank">Rascal Flatts - When You Stand</a></i></div>
Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-15825098585810290152015-07-24T17:30:00.002-04:002015-07-24T17:30:33.378-04:00Why Do I Run?There are so many reasons why people run. I could spend all day just looking them up and determining that each one is valid. I also run for many reasons. I've been a runner my whole life and I absolutely love it. I run several times a week. It brings me peace of mind and always gives my mood such a huge boost. Basically, running is my sanity.<br />
<br />
This morning I was running in the park by the beach and there's a big celebratory weekend to promote awareness of the area and it's preservation. Not really recalling that it was this weekend I went there instead of my other running location, a trail in the woods. About 3 miles or so into my run some rude girl who was obviously a casual rider made some rather derogatory comments to her friends about my face and running in general. This really set me off. I mean, just the sheer rudeness of it. If you are going say nasty things about people, at least say it out of earshot, you know? It also did not escape my notice that I was a third of her size. I have also become acutely aware of all the glares I get from heavier moms of special needs kiddos when I pick up or drop off my son to camp. <br />
<br />
After venting about the girl today on my personal FaceBook page a friend made the comment that women in general are just nasty to each other. She recalled a friend who ended their friendship after she lost a lot of baby weight years after the birth of her daughter. It was only then that my friend realized that she was smaller than this ex-friend. She made a great point in that some people equate trying to be healthy with selfish parenting.<br />
<br />
While I realize I am lean and in excellent shape, I fail to see how this equates to selfish parenting. When did having a child who needs extra care give the excuse to let ourselves go? How does it give us permission to sit on the couch and eat poorly day in and day out? How does this make it acceptable or somehow forgivable to stop caring for ourselves? As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing selfish about what I do. It has nothing to do with looking good or wearing a bikini and everything to do with<i> my health</i>.<br />
<br />
I figure, if I have a child with special needs, I better plan to be around for a very, very long time! I mean, jeez oh Pete! Have you seen the current system for disabled adults? My health cannot be an added stressor to my day nor can I allow it to be a looming threat. The only way I can ensure that, is by running and being healthy. I often joke that I'm not training to be skinny, I'm training to be a fit bad-ass. Well, it's true!<br />
<br />
As an added bonus, since my son is very aware, he can see that his mother exercises and eats well and spends her time with people who support that. In turn that sets a good example for him and he is more likely to follow that lead. He also knows that his mother cares enough to be around for him for a very long time. How is that selfish or bad?<br />
<br />
My son being able to tell someone, "My mom runs because she loves me," is the best thing I could ask for. <br />
<br />
So I guess in a way, I am a selfish parent. I'm selfish enough to look out for my well-being for the sake of my son. If I don't take care of me, how can I take care of him?<br />
<br />
<br />
*<i>Editor's note: I am not intending to bash anyone for their lifestyle. To each their own. I do not take issue with what people choose to do, only with how they treat me for my choices. There is a double standard that exists and is total bullshit. While I know many suffer health issues, none are capable of preventing even basic healthy living. Research proves this. I've alleviated many health related issues that could have left me couch bound.*</i>Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-76657073392599311452015-05-10T13:57:00.001-04:002015-05-10T13:57:24.529-04:00Single MotherhoodToday is Mother's Day as we all know. For some reason, this year I'm feeling particularly emotional about it. As you all know I'm a single mom. As in, a single mom by true definition. (Someone who raises her child entirely on her own, dad is non-existent: aka, single parenthood.) It certainly hasn't been easy but it definitely has been rewarding.<br />
<br />
I've had to fight for everything over the years. Society is not kind to women in general and it is even more unkind to single mothers. Single mothers with special needs children? Forget it!! We are invisible to the world. My son is only seen because I scream. A. Lot. If I didn't, he'd be lost in the shuffle: no insurance, no services, and no where near where he is today. He would still be a non-verbal, increasingly aggressive child.<br />
<br />
I had to fight my way through college for my BA in Arts, then more recently for my MEd in Special Education. I had to fight for every job I had and then fight to keep it. As a single mom I can't just call dad in to help. I am my own reinforcements. I have to do it all on my own. The kiddo gets sick at school? It's me leaving work to pick him up. As a woman I get paid less. Imagine trying to pay your bills on a single, small income. Getting a second job was a thought but never a reality. Why? Because when you have a special needs child, you just can't do it. Someone has to fight for services. Someone has to do the leg work. Someone has to be home to care for him. There is no tag team to happen here. Once again, I'm left on my own. <br />
<br />
I would think that dating when you have typical children is hard enough. But dating when you have a child with the complex needs that our kiddos have? It's laughable. With how special needs families split at such a high rate, how can our dating lives be successful? The more care your child requires, the less time you have to focus on anything else. Hell, you don't even have time to spend on yourself... The balance is a hard one to find and keep. Someone to watch the kiddo? Can you hear me laughing yet? On the upside, less than quality guys get weeded out reeeeeeallly quick. ;)<br />
<br />
I make just over the limit for welfare. Due to a loophole, a freaking LOOPHOLE, my son kept health insurance. I often go without, making any doctor's appointments out of pocket expenses for me. I didn't even qualify for the recent Obamacare stuff. I made too little for it but too much for Medicaid. I was even fined for it on my taxes this year. Money I could have used to pay for my medical costs or care of my son, the IRS took as a fine... Once again, we fell in the cracks.<br />
<br />
There's a huge societal stigma on single motherhood still. If my son does something unexpected or "wrong" then I'm to blame. Society blames it on the fact that he's being raised by a single mom. Surely I can't raise him properly. (/snark) They even blame me for his list of diagnosis. (Yes, this crap seriously exists.) The attitudes I get from people are mind-boggling.<br />
<br />
Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. That's all I do. I fight for his rights. I fight for my rights. I fight against the stigma of being a single mom. I fight for our ability to just live.<br />
<br />
But you know what?<br />
<br />
I wouldn't change a damn thing about it. Nothing.<br />
<br />
I <i>love</i> being a single mom. It has taught us the real value of things in life. We appreciate what little we have. We appreciate our time together. We actually SPEND time together. We don't care about money or trinkets or the latest and greatest vacation. We appreciate the beach just a mile from our house. We appreciate the parks we can visit. We appreciate visiting family and friends and just hanging out. We have a love for life and the ability to actually enjoy it. For us, the little things do matter. (And hell, I don't even have to argue with anyone else about what I do with him or where I take him! BONUS! ;) Haha!)<br />
<br />
For me, everything is two-fold. Yes, the bad is as well but really I focus on the good. Every achievement feels twice as good. Every battle won is cause for celebration. Every goal we surpass is defining. <br />
<br />
My son understands the value of love. What it means to love someone. Truly love. And he is joyous, caring, nurturing, and frankly one of the best souls out there. You won't see this child talk back to me. You won't see him order me around. You won't see him disrespect me or anyone else. Something I see and am the recipient of on a daily basis as a teacher... This is one of the best reflections you can have on you as a parent: a respectful, caring child.<br />
<br />
Despite all of society's ignorance, this single mom (and many like me) are doing one hell of a bang up job raising beautiful children who will become amazing adults. We defy the odds. We are strong women who will never give up on making our children's dreams come true. Society gives us barriers with a broken system stacked against us. We don't take "no" for an answer.<br />
<br />
We push through. Here's to all the single moms (and dads!!) out there keeping up the good fight!Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-91395752630986130142015-04-03T14:25:00.000-04:002015-04-03T14:43:33.702-04:00The Daily Image StruggleI want to take a minute and deviate from the normal stuff I write about. It's still relevant, since it's about being a mom, so don't worry. ;)<br />
<br />
Every year about this time I start thinking about summer. Since we live right off of one of the Great Lakes our whole summer revolves around water in some way. The kiddo's love of swimming just feeds that. I decided I would start trying to get into shape earlier since I spend a considerable amount of time on the sailboat and racing and if I start late, it's a rough season. I have to keep up with the physical demands of it. If you've been around you know I'm particularly fond of running. Well, with the spring we are having, it just hasn't been warm enough. So instead I pulled out some old stuff like this 30 day challenge thing I have (I'm on day 12) and some cardio ballroom type stuff (day 3). My co-teacher is taking a different route, despite her middle age: crash diets and eating very little. It makes me cringe. What's my point? I'm getting there. I promise.<br />
<br />
I'm one of those people who tracks how I look. Am I toning up? How's my strength? Is my asthma in control? Is this even making a difference? Is this worth the pain and effort of what I'm doing? I'm lazy in the winter and while I don't fatten up per se, I lose a bit of definition.<br />
<br />
So this morning as I stood in front of the bathroom mirror taking a picture to add to the others and thinking about how pleased I was with how I look right now, I started thinking about where this even came from. I certainly wasn't like this in high school. It hit me that I've had body issues my whole adult life. Someone told me my freshman year at college that I was a hot commodity and that all the guys wanted to pursue me. I laughed. LAUGHED. Why would they? I've never thought I was anything special or particularly beautiful or anything. They laughed back. Then others told me the same.<br />
<br />
And it began... To stay "skinny" I would survive off of iced tea and pierogies for weeks. I would eat so few calories I honestly wonder now how the hell I survived that. It was easier to not eat than to try and work out enough. No one did anything, no one even noticed.<br />
<br />
My pregnancy with my son ended that much. Suddenly I had to eat. After I had him he was so hungry he sucked the weight right out of me. I was constantly burning the calories to feed him. Then he weaned. Then it began again but in a different way. Suddenly my imperfections weren't about weight. It was about the stretched out tummy and seemingly permanent baby pooch (and when you are as petite as I am it is quite noticeable). I felt like a kangaroo. Despite what is a very teeny waist, that was enough to mess it all up for me mentally.<br />
<br />
While still in college, and after having my son, I took a nutrition class. Part of the class was to track our diets for a period of time and take it to the resident dietician. She threw up red flags right away over where I was getting my calories from (mostly juices). I still didn't eat much. I blamed it on being in college with a child to feed, I was making sure he had enough. (Poor excuse, I know...)<br />
<br />
For 12 years it's been a struggle. What I was told in college I have now heard throughout my adult life. I've lived this love/hate relationship with my body over what should be easy to be ok with. Sometimes I'm able to convince myself that it's all ok because this body nurtured and gave me this amazing and healthy kiddo. You would think it would be enough. But when you spend most of your life having your worth tied to how you look it creates this complex in your mind.<br />
<br />
In a world where people have put so much focus on how others look (especially women) it's a small wonder I'm still struggling. Just look at the magazine covers. It's awful being constantly bombarded with ways to get the "perfect, tight body." Even in college one of the sororities had the "Sexy Six" and from what I was told, it was a fierce fight to get that honor. The other sisters would take a marker to you and mark everything you had to correct. You also had to fit a certain standard to even get in. Wow.... Some dating websites are even that way. The value is put in numbers as opposed to fitness. The value is in appearances as opposed to healthy.<br />
<br />
What makes it even worse is that I get hit from two sides. I get hit from the "You're too fat" side because of my post baby body. But I also get hit from the "You're too skinny, eat a cheeseburger" side because I have a tiny 26 inch waist. Every time I go out someone glares at me. Even at the grocery store. Can you imagine what the beach feels like in my bikini? Some days I want to eat burgers and bon bons to get rid of the "skinny" attackers and other days I want to starve myself to get rid of the "fat" attackers. I have grown very weary of this two sided attack.<br />
<br />
Can you see what this can do to someone? What a messed up, convoluted world we live in...<br />
<br />
I now try to spend my time telling myself that I'm going to be healthy for me and my kiddo. I surround myself with people who put value where it belongs. Some days this is easier than others because the attackers can still get in. I just try to hold firm and remind myself of what matters: being here for Sparky. Staying healthy (including my diet) and moving and hopefully, that will encourage him as well. After all, who else really matters? I just have to keep my confidence up and remember to love myself. So if you are like me and struggling for similar reasons (with either attack) just remind yourself that you have healthy happy children, and it was your amazing body that did it for you. Half the battle with body image is confidence. Each mark on our body is part of our story, regardless of our gender and whether they are from pregnancy or not, and it's up to us to embrace that.Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-20985078072379596242015-03-31T20:51:00.000-04:002015-03-31T20:51:19.009-04:00Lost, Again... It was a typical Sunday afternoon. Laundry was in progress, Sparky was playing with his Legos, and the cats were snoozing. I was printing some pictures for a project I needed on Monday. Ok, a lot of pictures. So naturally I ran out of ink. I debated for a little while whether or not I really, really wanted to make a run to WalMart on a nice Sunday afternoon when there would no doubt be lots of people out. In the end, the trip won out as I really did need to finish the project up.<br />
So I packed up Sparky and off we went. He was slightly disgruntled over being disrupted from his Legos but he gets over things quickly and by the time we got there he was over it. I made my way over to the electronics section so I could get the ink I needed. I let go of him (I always hold his hand for safety's sake when we are out but my cast really limits my ability here) and picked up the ink. We went on our way and I told him we were going to stop to get some sheet protectors. I looked from him and looked down the aisle I thought was correct and looked back.<br /> He was gone. Just like that. A blink and gone. I looked around. I checked up and down several aisles. How could a 4 foot 9 inch, 12 year old in a red coat disappear that quick?!?!? I could call his phone! Shit.... It's in my purse. The ONE time it isn't in his pocket is the one time he disappears. Fuck..... Now what? I keep looking. I check the games knowing he usually likes checking those out. Nope. Too much time is passing....<br />
Too much time.....<br />
I spot a group of about six employees gathered around the sewing desk. I stop and ask them if they've seen a 12 year old boy in a red coat come by. Blank stares.... One asked me what he looked like and I grabbed my phone to pull up a photo of him in his coat (thank god I take so many pictures!!!) and another asks if I want her to call him over to the desk. I looked at her dead in the face and said, "He's a 12 year old Autistic. He won't know what this desk is or how to find it."<br />
I was met with six panicked faces. I faltered.<br />
I show the one employee his photo and she calls out on the radio. Another asks if I want to call a Code Adam. "Umm... Well... I don't know that it's necessary...." (MORON!!! Why wouldn't I say YES! Always say YES folks! ALWAYS!)<br />
While I fumble more time ticks away. "Call it." (Why would I even debate that?!?!?!)<br />
Just as she had the phone in her hand and was about to call it I hear myself being paged over the PA system to report to the service desk. He's been found!<br />
I take off straight to the desk and find him there, cool as a cucumber with an employee and a lady and her husband. She started telling me how thrilled she was that they were able to get him to me and told me how well he did. She said he walked up to her and said, "I think I'm lost and need help." She and her husband immediately walked him to the service desk so I could be paged. I thanked her far too many times and the kiddo gave her a hug. She kept saying he did very well and she was just glad to get him back to me. Sparky told me he was very proud of himself because he saved himself. Yes, buddy. Yes you did...<br />
I tucked his hand under my arm and we went on our way. It wasn't long before the whole thing hit me and I was fighting back major tears. Again. This happened again. I thought we were past major things like elopements and random wanderings. His separation anxiety was always enough to keep him in check and keep him close by. This time I managed to ward off the worst case scenarios that threatened to take over my mind.<br />
I can't even tell you how proud I am of him. If you would have asked me if he would have known what to do in that situation I would have been skeptical enough to tell you no. He usually panics if he can't see me and we are in the same aisle. How could he know what to do if he discovered he wasn't in the same aisle? Or even the next aisle over? When push came to shove this kiddo kept his cool and found help further proving that he is full of marvelous surprises.<br />
<br />
I learned a lot from this and was fueled a little to anger as well. Things I learned? Always go with the Code Adam. While not enough time passed for him to have gotten out of the store by the time the employee was going to call it, you just never know. You just don't. I was fortunate enough that Sparky approached a couple of respectable folks and not someone shady for help. (I have always said he was a great judge of character, yay Sparky!) Also, always put his phone in his pocket. I did buy the damn thing to be able to track his whereabouts and make sure he can reach me. Anything can happen at any time. Even in the store. A minor oversight could have had major consequences. <br />
Why was I angry? Because society doesn't really give me a great way of keeping him with me. To make things worse, I was limited in what I could do because of my cast. I really only had one hand to work with. It's not like I could tie a tether to him to make sure he stays with me. (This totally reminds me of the great bathroom debate with taking older boys into the women's restroom.) I'd be crucified by people for daring to "leash" my son. Just look at what happens when parents put those tethers on their typical toddlers! He's too big to stick in a cart. So really, what do I do? Even when I have two working hands on my side it is difficult to keep him with me. Not because I'm negligent in anyway, but because wandering kids literally can disappear in the blink of an eye. You don't realize that it's the case until it happens to you. Until then, it seems impossible. <br />
But, reality is reality, and this is my reality. Wandering happens for many reasons: curiosity about something they see, distraction, zoning out, the list goes on. While I may never know the reason why he wandered off, I will continue to be amazed at the speed of it. Even the most prepared among us can be caught unprepared.Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-10105905188976601312015-03-19T20:13:00.003-04:002015-03-19T20:44:57.563-04:00Elopement: Tools and Resources to PrepareWith summer soon to be upon us again I wanted to take a moment to be serious. Weird, right? ;)<br />
<br />
No one really wants to think about the
possibility of losing their child through wandering or otherwise but it
is a reality that many of us face. With this in mind I wanted to give
you a couple of quick resources that I found to help you get started in case of an emergency. Many of you know my son wandered off 4 years ago now and we were very fortunate that he was found safely. (You can read my posts about it <a href="http://autismmomdiaries.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-day-i-lost-him.html" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://autismmomdiaries.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-wandering-blockade.html" target="_blank">here</a>.)<br />
<br />
First and foremost, I would highly encourage you to set up a meeting with your local law
enforcement and local Fire/EMS departments as well. It would be very
beneficial for your child to meet and become familiar with their faces
and uniforms and for the First Responders to be familiar with your child
in the even of any emergency (accident, fire, etc.). Children can be
intimidated by them so it is crucial that they understand they are there
to help!<br />
<br />
If you need some assistance in that area
please check out what Jerry, a New Jersey Police Officer and father of
an Autistic boy, has to say. You can see his page <a href="https://www.facebook.com/BaconandJuiceBoxes?ref=br_tf" target="_blank">here</a> and his blog <a href="http://baconandjuiceboxes.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">here</a>. He wrote two amazing posts about wandering and police contact that you simply must see that he wrote for <a href="http://www.autismafter16.com/" target="_blank">Autism After 16</a>.<br />
<br />
<div class="title">
<a href="http://www.autismafter16.com/article/05-14-2012/surviving-wandering-nightmare" target="_blank">Surviving the Wandering Nightmare</a></div>
<div class="title">
<a href="http://www.autismafter16.com/article/06-17-2014/well-informed-well-armed-easing-police-response-domestic-incidents" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: small;">Well-Informed is Well-Armed: Easing Police Response to Domestic Incidents</span></a></div>
<br />
AWAARE
has many awesome tools and is loaded with information to help families
and first responders. You can access their website <a href="http://awaare.nationalautismassociation.org/" target="_blank">here</a>.
They do have the Big Red Toolbox but they have digital tool boxes as well. I would definitely check out their Wandering Brochure for information
about wandering and tips you can use to prevent wandering and to prevent
a tragedy in case wandering does occur. You can access the brochure <a href="http://awaare.nationalautismassociation.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/wanderingbrochure.pdf" target="_blank">here.</a><br />
<br />
To help you stay organized in your planning you can use the Caregiver Checklist <a href="http://nationalautismassociation.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/NAA_CAREGIVER_CHECKLIST.pdf" target="_blank">here.</a><br />
<br />
The
first one I want to toss out there is a Family Wandering Emergency
Plan. It can be used for any family member who may wander off. It
helps you prepare ahead of time in case your child wanders off so that
you know what to do. It allows you to come up with search areas and
people to search those areas, emergency phone numbers, what to provide
when you call 911, and it gives you other numbers such as NCMEC.<br />
<br />
This form can be found <a href="http://awaare.nationalautismassociation.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/FWEP.pdf" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
The
second form is for you to give first responders and is an Autism Elopement Alert
form. This form is used by those first responders to give them identifying
information, a photo, and areas where your child may be found. It
includes medical diagnosis, medications, if they are verbal or
non-verbal, their preferred method of communication, etc. This form
will help pull much needed information together in one spot to aide in
helping your child be found quickly. Take this form when you go to meet them!<br />
<br />
This form can be found <a href="http://awaare.nationalautismassociation.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/AUTISM-ELOPEMENT-ALERT-FORM.pdf" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
You can find all of their safety materials including the toolbkits for Caregivers and First Responders <a href="http://awaare.nationalautismassociation.org/safety-materials/" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
<div class="title">
<span style="font-size: small;">In speaking from experience, please be prepared!!<br /><br /><i>**Editor's note: This is meant to get you started. Please talk to your local Autism groups and First Responders to get additional safety and preparedness tips and resources for your child.**</i></span></div>
Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-41911038156068403992015-01-27T23:26:00.001-05:002015-01-27T23:26:36.603-05:00Acute Partial: The Note, the School, the Heartbreak, the New Fears<br />
This is one of those times when I have so much to say but I have no idea where exactly to begin. That's probably why it has taken me so long to sit down and start writing this post to update you all on why my page has been so quiet.<br />
<br />
You have all heard me in the past talk about how Sparky has had some aggressive behaviors, both towards others and himself. You've heard me talk about our struggles to find the right medications that will help him not harm him. You've heard me talk about SIBs so severe he was bleeding daily.<br />
<br />
For the most part we did get a handle on those things. Over the summer we saw very little of anything of concern. Then 6th grade started. Middle school. The whole world just went upside down....<br />
<br />
Towards the end of October I showed up for what I thought would be a routine, run-of-the-mill, IEP meeting. The kiddo was really struggling in school so I wanted to address several things, including homework and his placement. As usual, I had already expressed my concerns to the school so they were already coming up with ideas. In an interesting twist, my mom was going to attend her first IEP meeting ever with me, just to see what it was all about. As my mom usually is, she was running late but not by much so we went ahead and started the meeting.<br />
<br />
Before anything was said, anything was addressed, anything was even handed out, I was told that something happened that day that they thought I should be aware of. They then slipped a piece of paper across the table to me. It was a step by step written plan outlining (somewhat vaguely mind you) how to get rid of homework. The note talked about harming the principal as a final step.<br />
<br />
Huh.<br />
<br />
They didn't want to address it until after the meeting so the IEP meeting went on. I showed my mom the note when she arrived and everyone re-introduced themselves for her benefit. The principal, not surprisingly, I feel made a total ass of himself and showed me how little he knew about these kiddos in the shortest amount of time I've EVER seen. First impressions ARE everything!<br />
<br />
A major concern for me was homework. I can't spend over two hours a night trying to fight him through it. I refuse. It does nothing to help him learn and makes our home life downright miserable. When talking about that the principal chimed in saying that it should never take a student more than two hours to complete homework. Ever. I said that is all well and good for typical children, but that isn't the case with children like mine. We have other things going on at home: therapy, breakdowns from the school day, chores, etc. We deal with a lot of behavior because that's where the kiddos feel comfy and fall apart. He went off on a tangent, repeating himself, that it should not take more than half an hour for ANY child to complete homework. There isn't ANY reason for that to happen.<br />
<br />
I nearly went across the table... Thank you so much for showing me HOW LITTLE you know. Really, I appreciate it. This will help me later in the meeting. I promise.<br />
<br />
Moving on. The teachers, recognizing and knowing just a wee bit more than he did, made the adjustment that since homework really wasn't worth a lot of points anyway (just two) and it would not affect his overall grade if he never did it, said that as long as he attempted it they would allow it, just let them know. They all told me to not spend a lot of time on it because they didn't want him to stress about it too much, especially since he was already struggling.<br />
<br />
If I haven't mentioned it yet, I love his teachers. Moving on.<br />
<br />
We finally get to the end of the meeting. The one time in my life that I would have been arrested if my mama wasn't there holding me back....<br />
<br />
Non-essential people were allowed to leave (like the reg ed teacher). So it was me, my mother, the AS teacher, school psych sub (school psych literally just went on leave), the principal, and my son's behavioral specialist.<br />
<br />
Cue "Jaws" music. No joke.<br />
<br />
The principal wanted to see my son so he was called in and was seated across the table from him. The principal, in the nastiest most asshole tone I've EVER heard used with any student asked my son what that note was all about. My son simply said that he was upset over homework because it was too hard and he didn't want to do it. The principal, in the same nasty tone (seriously, who the fuck uses a nasty, condescending tone with a typical student let alone a special needs one?) asked my son if he thought the principal appreciated that. My son said no, he was just upset about the homework. The principal asked my son if he even knew who the principal was. My son said no (cause really, he didn't....). The principal then told Sparky that it was him. My son, already visibly upset, went to get up (to leave? To attack? The world will never know because....) but our behavior specialist, who was right next to him sat him back down and told him we just needed to talk about the note. The principal will swear that Sparky said "Now I know what I need to do," and was going to go after him. I would have been more interested in what my son was ACTUALLY going to do without assumptions being involved.<br />
<br />
My son was allowed to leave after a few minutes (Principal, yelling: "Get him out of here, we aren't getting anywhere with this!") and his former AS teacher/new Director of Special Ed sat with him in the office. The principal, bless his heart.... took this moment to make such an impression on me that I was ready to be arrested in the defense of my son.<br />
<br />
He looks at me and flat out tells me that he would NOT hesitate to call the police and have my son arrested for threats. He went off on a 20 minute tangent about how he has a bad back and will not risk further injury. So if he has to call the cops he will.... (You get the idea. For TWENTY DAMN MINUTES!)<br />
<br />
I damn near went over the table at the guy.... He wants to do everything he can to help Sparky but won't hesitate to call the police on a harmless child? Yeah, cause that isn't contradictory....<br />
<br />
Let me give you this picture. This guy is well over 6 feet tall. He's solid. I'm sure he's really great at what he does and is an excellent principal. I have no doubts to his qualifications (just to his knowledge of special needs kiddos and bedside manner). But when this very large dude threatens an 11 year old, 4 foot 7, maybe 100lbs kid.... Yeah, I take issue with that. My son is maybe half this guy's size and can barely lift the cat. Who's the real threat here? (I saw him a few days later and he recanted, probably out of guilt.... I still don't appreciate his attitude.)<br />
<br />
Moving on.<br />
<br />
I ended up being forced to call Crisis Services (our local hotline for people who are a threat to themselves or others) when I got him home. So I did. They had me bring him in for an evaluation. At this point my son is so revved up over everything he's just not coming down. Now he's really mad at the principal... Crisis wasn't sure what to do with him so we had to present him to the local hospital.<br />
<br />
Can you see where this is going yet? Escalation at it's finest.....<br />
<br />
It is now 6pm, neither of us have eaten, and the cranky just continues.....<br />
<br />
So here we are in the ER. Just where I want to spend my Monday night. At this point my son is just crying and hating on everything. The ER psych doc spends two hours trying to figure out what to do with him. He took this long time to see if Sparky would deescalate any. Naturally, he didn't. It got to the point where I was told that I was not allowed to leave the hospital with him, they would have to admit him.<br />
<br />
I literally felt my world come to a screeching halt. Not take him home? They won't <i>LET</i> me take him home? Why can't I take him home? He's MY kid! <i>How can I not go home with him???</i><br />
<br />
Sparky starts texting Grandma, upset as can be, convinced he's never going to see anyone he loves again. Grandma is trying to get out of her meeting or wherever she is (like I can remember now) to get there for him. She's talking to him, trying to calm him down. I'm just a pile of goo. Trying not to cry. Trying to keep composed. If I fall to pieces it will just be that much harder on the kiddo. They tell me that he can take a couple personal items with him. He chooses his red blanket (for our snuggles), Racky the racoon (so he'd have a friend), and the bracelet I made for him (so I'd be with him). (Tell me that doesn't tug at you....)<br />
<br />
While we were in various stages of disaster the doctor was trying to move beds around in the hospital to keep him local instead of sending him over two hours away. The student doc also raided the employee fridge at this time to try and find something for the poor child to eat. Finally they manage to move the beds around and about 9pm they take him back.<br />
<br />
My world completely shattered.<br />
<br />
Nothing could ever prepare you for the moment that your child is thought to be such a danger that he ends up in the hospital. I am told they will evaluate him the next day and the doctor who runs the ward will give me a call. They hand me his clothes and send me on my way.<br />
<br />
Ever feel like you are trapped in a void? Where darkness just swirls around you, spinning, spinning, spinning, and you can't stop it? Where you are just completely and totally hopeless? Frozen? Unable to think, to process, to move, to comprehend?<br />
<br />
That's where I was.<br />
<br />
Right after, my dad calls me demanding to know where I am. He's pissed to high heaven that they told him at the front desk we weren't there and they wouldn't allow him to see us. He starts yelling about how he wants the kiddo moved to a different hospital and how he doesn't belong there anyway. As if I didn't know that... My mom finally arrives with the items he requested. We are allowed up to the floor, just off the elevators. The nurse comes out from behind a heavy locked door, takes the items, and dismisses us.<br />
<br />
Ouch.<br />
<br />
When I got back to the car, I don't think I ever cried so much. Ever.<br />
<br />
I went home, to my empty house, sat in his room, and cried some more. Strike called several times to check on me. By the time Joker (my new guy) got there, I had nothing left. <br />
<br />
Visiting hours were between 6pm and 8pm. You better believe my parents and I were there. I took him his favorite books, minecraft plushes, and some clothes that next day. The place was like a prison.... I did speak to the doctor (psych) and she flat out told me that my son DID NOT belong there. Oh thank god.... But she couldn't release him yet. Naturally. She wanted to talk to his psych first because she felt some medication adjustments were warranted and she wanted to add an ADHD medication. In a ironic twist, I had just filled a new ADHD med the weekend before but hadn't gotten a chance to start it yet. So she got all excited and went ahead and started it. By Friday afternoon I was racing to the hospital with the Director of Special Ed (who was a god send as his teacher and has remained so....) to break him out!<br />
<br />
The psych felt he was better at home since she knew he wasn't a threat. She said his note was too vague to really be considered one. Being in the hospital was just over kill in a sense and not what he needed. I love validation....<br />
<br />
I was in such a hurry I forgot shoes and a jacket.... But ask me if I cared! I carried his heavy butt right out of there! He even wore my jacket! His first phone call was to Grandma, "Grandma? I broke out of there!!!"<br />
<br />
We still find the humor in everything. As we do. :)<br />
<br />
The kiddo did not return to school, however. It was recommended he attend Acute Partial Hospitalization with the Barber National Institute for the usual term of 15 days. We had the intake that following Monday and he started on Tuesday.<br />
<br />
Acute Partial Hospitalization was amazing. The staff was warm,
friendly, and just fantastic to work with. The psychologist there was
just phenomenal. He and I were just on the same page with everything.
He got it. He understood everything. He was very caring and
sensitive. Just... Amazing guy.<br />
<br />
Now the Acute Partial
program runs for 15 week days, so basically 3 weeks. About halfway
through we added a new prescription to help stabilize the kiddo's mood.
Oh did things get interesting... My insurance company refused to pay
for the new medication, claiming that we had a different primary
insurance. Insurance that I haven't had since March of last year...
So, basically, they didn't feel like paying for a medication that was
$1000/month because they wanted to be cheap asses. I spent over a week
talking to the insurance company daily as did the folks at Acute trying
to get them to correct this. Every. Single. Day. It was just absurd.
It was taking so long that they had to extend my son's stay at Acute for
another 15 days! I kept telling the folks at the insurance company
that the hospital couldn't release him until he got this medication. I
finally, finally, got some guy to listen to me and he put the change
through. By then we were already a week into the second term of Acute.
Oy.<br />
<br />
To make a long story short, just repeat the last paragraph for when they wanted to up his dose of that medication....<br />
<br />
Why
do they have to make this so friggin hard?!?!?! They even tried to act
like they were doing me a favor by approving it "just this once."
Yeah..... Moving on.<br />
<br />
December 9th was Sparky's last day
at Acute. December 10th, he was to return to school. The Friday
before I met with the school and took my whole new team of people with
me. The director of Acute, our new Blended Case Manager (BCM), the
recommendations of the new psych (who amazingly agreed to keep the kiddo
on in his private practice!!!!), and my behavior specialist/mobile
therapist.<br />
<br />
It was the most amazing meeting I've ever
seen. The principal sat there with his mouth closed. The Sped director
took everything down. The teachers modified his homework. They agreed
to call me about everything. The IEP does not say the police will be
called.... Oh it was marvelous! The homework modification was simple
enough: he would be given 3 questions to chose from in each class and he
would just have to complete one of the three. This way he was still
doing homework but it gave him choices and would make it easier for him
to manage. In time, we would increase that at MY discretion. Boom.
They wrote a multi-step plan on what to do if the kiddo made further
threats and even designated "safe" people for him to be taken to so he
could talk to them and deescalate. The principal is most notably not
one of them. Boom. He would get unlimited breaks as needed and each
classroom would have a designated "safe" area for him to take a break
in. This way when he got overwhelmed or frustrated he could easily walk
away and process things and calm down. Changes to this would be made
at.... MY discretion. Finally, he would be supervised 100% of the time
from the second he steps off the bus to the second he steps back on.
This was to keep him safe (as well as others) in case something
happened. I was (and still am) terrified that something will happen and
will be misconstrued and I'll have a monster mess on my hands. This
will help keep that from happening since there is now a designated
person who stays with him literally every second of his day. Even
during transitions between classes. He is literally always with a
qualified adult. This would only be changed at.... (wait for it....) MY
discretion. The Acute director and I left that meeting feeling much
better about his return.<br />
<br />
There have been many hiccups
since his return as he's made several verbal threats, one more written
one, and last week tried to get into the office, but overall it's been
pretty successful. After he made two threats in one day against both
principals his psych decided he may need to go back to Acute. After he
tried to get into the office last week, that pretty much got set in
stone. He hasn't returned yet as there are some kinks to work out and
we are hoping the school can iron it out, but we shall see. According
to his AS teacher they feel perfectly safe with him there since they are
supervising him the entire time he is there. So they have no concerns
about him actually being able to do anything. We have another meeting
on Thursday that will include the same group of people to see if the
school can meet the demands that Sparky presents. If this is not
successful then he will likely be back in Acute for another 15 day
term. We are hoping for the best but we shall see.<br />
<br />
It's
a struggle. Every single day. The kiddo came out of Acute with
several more DXs. He already had the Autistic, Anxiety, and ADHD. He
came out with the added ones of Intellectual Disability (the new DSM-V
rules out IQ as a factor, it's all functionality now), Mood
Disorder-NOS, and PTSD. He has started Trauma Based Therapy already to
address the PTSD that is suspected to originate from the car accident
and from the lady who assaulted him on the beach. Hopefully this
provides us with some answers and him with some closure. Neither
incident was addressed with him because our behavior specialist at the
time was terrible and ignored these events and since the kiddo was still
non-verbal there is no telling how he processed what happened.<br />
<br />
I
have so many new fears for the future. What if he keeps making these
threats? When he's 18 years old no one is going to care how harmless he
really is. No one. He'll end up in lots of trouble and not understand
why. Even now it seems he doesn't really understand just how serious
these threats and actions are. He just doesn't understand the impact of
it or the very real, severe consequences. I have new fears that he
will never be able live alone and have his own life. Up until now I was
certain we were going to make our way easily to that place. After all,
we have six years to get there. Now I'm not so sure that will be
attainable. It seems he will always have to be closely supervised. He
already hates his meds and wants off of them. He doesn't understand how
much they actually help. <br />
<br />
Some things have changed as
a result, such as his access to electronics. He now has to earn points
to play with them. He can earn however many points he can and he has
to cash them in to play. Even then there are restrictions on that as
far as time limits and when he can do it. He hates it but he abides by
it. This has resulted in a lot of him sitting on the couch staring at
me because he doesn't know what else to do. At first it seemed easier
as he'd break out his Lego's or a book. Now he's bored more often than
not despite an entire playroom of toys. Just a few minutes ago I asked
him to go find something in that room to play with because he couldn't
just stare at me like he was. So he came down dressed as a pirate to
stare at me. Perhaps I should have been more clear... Haha! It has
lead to more compliance and better behavior because he knows he can lose
points too. I started this two weeks ago after the double threat so
last week he lost points with the threats he made. He loses a fair
chunk equaling at least a half hour of play plus he loses a couple days
of electronic use entirely. It has been pretty effective though,
despite the couch staring.<br />
<br />
We shall see where all this
ultimately leads. Hopefully the road will be sunny at the end and I
believe it can be. It's just a long road right now so sometimes it's
difficult to see. But as I always say, we adjust, we adapt, we
overcome. And we shall continue to do so for as long as we must.Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-43400586873923099082014-08-19T10:42:00.001-04:002014-08-19T10:45:13.892-04:00Our Great Summer Wrap-UpIt's been a couple of months since I've posted. We have had one heck of a busy summer... The past few months have been full of changes for us. Some are for the better, some were simply devastating, and some just were.<br />
<br />
Our summer did not start well, as many of you know. We lost my Grandmere the first week of June. That was one hell of a week... Not even a month later my Aunt went into the hospital with stomach pains and while she was in there her husband (my Grandmere's son) went in after having a heart attack. He ended up needing open heart surgery. While he was recovering my other grandmother went into the hospital with chest pains. This was followed by my own collapse in early July while the latter two were still in the hospital.<br />
<br />
Crazy right?<br />
<br />
We are all now on the mend and mostly recovered, thankfully. We got to a point where we were about to ask the hospital for a 5th floor multiple room discount. ;)<br />
<br />
For six weeks this summer we had the opportunity to send Sparky to a social skills camp run by the agency where we receive our BSC/TSS services. The camp was run by our former BSC/Mobile Therapist who recently left our case. We weren't really sure how he would do but were hoping for the best. On day 2 of camp he was already asking to stay home next summer and not attend any camp. This did not bode well...<br />
<br />
Turns out it was wildly successful! He ended up having a great time and made a few friends in the process. I was really excited when on the last day of camp he received his first phone call from a friend! YAY!!!! It was hilarious to listen to and made me realize that we need to work on his telephone skills. BADLY... Haha!<br />
<br />
Sparky also went on his longest trip away from me! He went with Grandma to visit my sister for six days. If you've been on my page recently you'll know that it was a recent trip and it went quite well! While he was off visiting his Aunt I participated in a weekend race across Lake Erie. Oh, what fun that was! After I returned I was thankful for the extra two days of peace before the kiddo came home so I could recover. Sleep was not something to be had on that trip! ;) When he came home he barreled into me like a football player and nearly took me off my feet! He was so excited to be home again. He walked through the house and (naturally) tracked down each cat to greet them and tell them how much he missed them. I'm not sure they missed him nearly as much as he missed them, but ya know... ;) <br />
<br />
This summer also saw the end of my engagement to Strike. He's still around as he is still important to us but the split needed to happen. We still care about each other but it was just something that was a long time coming. It was a really hard decision but it is for the best. Sparky handled it quite well and seems to be none the worse for wear. He also understands that Strike is still available if he wants to talk to him and he isn't completely gone from his life. I think that helps a lot and has made all the difference in how he's handled this split verses how he still hasn't fully recovered from my split from Ears many years ago.<br />
<br />
Now we sit here looking at the future! The kiddo starts sixth grade this year (who told him he could grow up????) in middle school and I start a new job in our home school district. I'm also going to be starting rehearsals soon for my next show now that I have the time again. I can't wait! My older sister (the last of us to make such an announcement) has finally made it public that she is due in January! I'm extremely excited about this and I so can't wait! BABY!!! :D<br />
<br />
Things are finally looking up for us as we prepare for some pretty major changes. I'm really excited for what is to come and I can't wait to see where the road leads! School starts a week later this year on Sept 2nd which means we have an extra week to enjoy summer!!<br />
<br />
Now I have to figure out what exactly to do with it... I had all these plans to visit different parks and museums but now time is running out. I think we'll stick with the local zoo, baseball games, and the beach for now. :)<br />
<br />
Good luck with your back to school adventures!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMs-FptOGXOeMV1LVyghPbBwNPPM6y6ZJ4dc0eN7GT54RSGOQhrIJSXZNKX0-qayxmVoOWYLqokKL-DZHTmibCCkugfM_6WZK65VCf1Be_hDwE23HbnRXqmwVddcIAgWI5PkTSAOshZmzD/s1600/IMG_20140812_193147+(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMs-FptOGXOeMV1LVyghPbBwNPPM6y6ZJ4dc0eN7GT54RSGOQhrIJSXZNKX0-qayxmVoOWYLqokKL-DZHTmibCCkugfM_6WZK65VCf1Be_hDwE23HbnRXqmwVddcIAgWI5PkTSAOshZmzD/s1600/IMG_20140812_193147+(2).jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Here he is squeezing the bejeebes out of me and my face upon his return home. Ouch!!</span> </div>
Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-47023636980333151772014-06-18T15:29:00.000-04:002014-06-18T15:29:39.224-04:00How Dare You?!I have rage.<br />
<br />
It's not often this happens, but tonight, it seems to want to pop out. I do want to note that this isn't directed at anyone who is on my page. You guys are awesome and a pillar of support! I've gotten nothing but love from you and I appreciate it. This is aimed at people I meet in life.<br /><br />So here it is, with a trigger for... Well, everything. I don't usually swear but this has a few choice words in it as well.<br />
<br />
I am sick of having my judgement questioned. I don't give a flying banana about what your ex girlfriend/boyfriend/plaything/neighbor/whatever did with their child 10 years ago that you learned from them. It has absolutely nothing to do with me or my son. A lot can happen in 6 months let alone 10 years. Odds are we have either tried it already or I already know it won't work or it's just plain dangerous (some things are). After all, I know my son. I know our story. For the love of God stop arguing and telling me I'm wrong.<br />
<br />
How dare you come in here and assume you are right about everything and I am wrong. Guess what? You are wrong. Just as sometimes I am wrong about things, you are wrong about this. Don't come barreling in yelling at me about how I don't listen or am a bitch because I don't agree with what you say. I've been in this game a long time now. I've been raising him for over 11 years. Alone and quite successfully I might add. I've been living with myself for over 31. I'm listening to the voices that actually matter. I'm listening to the Autistic adults and children who have so much to say. I'm listening to myself.<br />
<br />
I don't give a damn what some researcher or shiny new therapist says. They aren't the voices I'm giving all the credit to. They want to make a name for themselves. I want peace in my household and in my son's heart. When an Autistic adult, child, or even my own conscience is telling me, "For the love of all things Holy don't ever do that! Try this instead, it worked for me, maybe it will for you too." I'm listening. Those are the voices that matter. Autistic voices are voices for other Autistics.<br />
<br />
I'm not going to do anything to intentionally provoke him or cause a meltdown to 'change things up' or 'get him used to it' or 'help his character' or whatever the hell piss arse reason you want to throw at me. Would you intentionally shoot your mother in the face for no good reason? Would you hide the keys to your spouse's car to force them to be flexible? Would you poke and prod at your typical child just to see them cry? Then why in bloody hell do you want me to do it to my own child? Yes, I avoid things that trigger him. Yes, I watch and sometimes cater to his moods. Isn't that what we all would like? Who doesn't want to be left alone when they are angry or sad? Who doesn't want to laugh and run when they are happy or excited? It's called RESPECT.<br />
<br />
Have you noticed how peaceful my house has been for the past several months? That isn't a coincidence. That's me taking control and refusing to cater to people who would poke at him, rile him up, then tell him he's wrong for being upset and be 'disappointed' when he can't remember his coping skills. Seriously, what the hell is that baloney? Do you think with 100% perfection and clarity when you are angry or upset? Didn't think so. Why do you expect it of my adolescent son?<br />
<br />
I refuse to sit here and be dictated by a society who wants to fit my son into some predetermined, twisted mold. I'm so sick and tired of prepping him for how the world will react to him and how he can 'fit in' with his peers and look 'normal'. Who the bejeebes is actually normal anyway? Talk about one hell of a subjective concept! How about we change your laugh from a titter to a good old fashioned guffaw? Maybe we'll train you to cut your spaghetti up instead of twirling it on your fork and slurping it? No, don't talk with your hands! You better sit on them so you don't 'stick out.' Oh, I know. We'll teach you that if you don't wash your hair before washing your body then you simply are not doing the steps properly. Sound foolish? It should.<br /><br />For the love of clouds, society needs to buck up and accept him for who he is, exactly how he is, whether they like it or not. Let's face it, he is one hell of a rocking awesome kid! I refuse to squash that! I spent over 30 years trying to fit what society expected of me and it damn near KILLED me. I'll be damned if I'm forced to make my son do the same thing. Especially since he was so close to where I was to begin with. He will not suffer what I had to suffer while there is still breath in my body. Fuck 'polite society' and their wishes. There is nothing polite about them.<br />
<br />
Let's recap.<br />
<br />
Don't tell me I'm wrong.<br />
Don't judge me, and while you are at it, get over your own ego.<br />
I'm listening to the voices that really matter.<br />
He will be forced into some cookie cutter statue molded by the (not so) polite society over my dead body. <br />
I find it no small coincidence that when I listen to my heart and the voices that matter, those are the times when my household is the most at peace and we are our happiest.<br />RESPECT who we are.<br />
<br />
Acceptance. Period. It doesn't involve ifs, ands, or buts. Only love of the person for who they truly are.Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-64743403742003089442014-06-15T15:41:00.001-04:002014-06-15T15:41:14.145-04:00Why the Hate?Every June around Father's Day I see something I never see around Mother's Day: dad hate.<br />
<br />
It always gets to me. I can't understand how women - moms - can harbor such hate towards someone who is simply absent. There's an amazing amount of resentment being flashed about as if some great injustice has been served.<br />
<br />
I'm lost on just where exactly this injustice is. It appears dads don't feel the same way. Or at least have the decency to keep harsh judgement to themselves.<br />
<br />
As you all know I cut ties with Sparky's father around the time he turned two due to some reprehensible comments he made around that time that were deserving of my withdrawal for my son's protection. We still have not spoken since and he has certainly not shown any interest in the kiddo's life.<br /><br />If anyone deserves condemnation it's this guy... He dragged me through the wringer, levying threats against me and the baby like he was discussing the weather, even threatening my mother. He is the lowest of the low. So much so that the courts revoked his rights. That's pretty damn bad...<br />
<br />
Yet you won't hear me condemn him or wish him ill will. It's pretty obvious he was in a place where he was not ready for the thought of having a child even though he was approaching his mid-20s. That's ok. That doesn't earn him any forgiveness for what he said (for there is nothing that will ease danger of having your child's life threatened) but it doesn't mean I will sit around and bash him at every opportunity either. I have certainly never said a mean word about him around the kiddo, even after Sparky realized that he really did have a father (thanks to the school...). I simply told Sparky that he had no interest being a father to him, and that was that. All Sparky had to really say about it is that it was "ok" because he didn't think he was missing out on anything anyway. And he certainly isn't!<br />
<br />
Many of these moms that I see bashing the father of their children all have men who ARE PART of their children's lives. This boggles my mind.... As a mom with a dad who is 100% absent I just can't wrap my head around it. How can they be so mean and upset with someone who CHOSE to stick around and help raise their children with someone who is apparently ungrateful and unforgiving of them? These are dads who try to do what is best for their children but are stomped on and foiled every step of the way by women who are seemingly out to seek revenge.<br />
<br />
I don't get it. If your children's father is trying to be an active part of their lives and actually be a dad to them, why stop them? Why make it hard for them? Just because the two of you didn't work out for whatever reason (and the reason really is quite irrelevant when it comes to caring for your children) doesn't mean he can't be the awesome dad anyone would want their kids to have. Period. Remember, at one time you did think they were worthy.<br />
<br />
Fortunately, I do have a couple (literally a couple) friends who apparently see the way I do. Their ex is a less than desirable human being to them and they were greatly wronged, but they recognize that their ex is one hell of a dad to their children and embrace them being around. I salute their clarity.<br />
<br />
Even if it is just for one day, why not stop to take a moment to appreciate all that your children's father does for them (and you). Take a moment to be grateful that they actually WANT to be a part of your kiddos lives and care enough to make the effort. To me, these guys deserve an award because they go up against every stereotype and do their best to break down the barriers to be there for their children.<br />
<br />
So here is my call to action for you moms: for one day, appreciate all that he does, even if you loathe his very presence, appreciate and be grateful for the mere fact that he is willing to do what he can, however he can, to be there. It doesn't matter if it fits your mold of the quantity of time or the frequency of his visits. Just appreciate that at least sometimes he is there. You'd be shocked at how far a little gratitude and genuine thankfulness can go. Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-78976293449583364802014-04-30T11:28:00.001-04:002014-04-30T11:28:29.259-04:00He's Back!Oh my... So much to stay and no clue where to start. But that's a good thing right? The last four months have been pretty busy in this little household.<br />
<br />
We struggled a lot over the winter months with the kiddo. His behavior and mental state was sliding backwards at rapid pace. In desperation I called a specialized psychiatric facility in a city two hours away begging for help.<br />
<br />
And help came. Oh boy did help come... The kiddo was to the point where he was bleeding daily from scratches he inflicted to his face. He was constantly biting himself. Always upset. The slightest thing in the wind would set him off. He didn't see the future. He was convinced he was going to die. I didn't know what to do. I cried. A lot. Where was my happy boy?<br />
<br />
The call to the Autism Unit changed everything. I called in mid-February but I had to wait over a month for an appointment. I was hoping for sooner but I was taking what I could get. On a Friday not even a week later I received a call from them, they had a cancellation for that Monday, did I want it? Oh, hell yeah! I got off work and we were on our way!<br />
<br />
The appointment was just a starter appointment so to speak, nothing more than an intake but the psych we met with took two hours to thoroughly go over everything with us. Every last little bit of history, every issue, every thing. They set us up with an appointment to meet with the psych he was going to see for med management. I felt pretty good after that. FINALLY someone was listening to me. Someone was actually HEARING what I had to say. Someone was going to HELP.<br />
<br />
About 4 weeks ago, we traveled the two hours to meet with this psych. He was AMAZING. He actually spoke to the kiddo, on his level, one on one, and LISTENED to him even when he went off on a story tangent. Truly listened. Grandma went with us and between us and the kiddo we were able to cover and remember everything we needed to. This appointment was the best I have ever been to...<br />
The scariest part of the whole thing was this: The psych kept asking me the same question over and over and over. He kept asking me what meds my son was on and at what dosage. In the hour we were with him he asked at least five times. It never really struck me why until the end of the appointment.<br />
<br />
He turned to me and said: I don't know why your son is on those medications. That is not what they are used for. The side effect of the one is drowsiness but it's not an actual sleep aid and the other medication is a secondary medication, it's not used for what he's using it for and it's being administered wrong anyway to have any effect.<br />
<br />
Umm... What??? So, basically the kiddo was placed on the WRONG meds at the WRONG schedule for the WRONG reasons and had been on these meds for almost two years causing him serious weight gain.<br />
<br />
Well no wonder it wasn't helping!!!!! The psych up here in our hometown spent his time yelling at me because he really WAS incompetent and didn't want me to do anything about it!<br />
<br />
I rarely swear on here but jeebus that guy can seriously go fuck himself.... Anyone who is going to give a child the wrong stuff... Well, let's say there's a special place in the 9th circle of hell for their kind.... (He didn't like me as it was because I told him he could essentially shove it every one of the 300 or so times he wanted to place the kiddo on Risperdal. NO THANKS!)<br />
<br />
The new psych set up the kiddo on a new med schedule. We started with the anxiety issue (to change only one thing at a time) and he was placed on a real anxiety medication.<br />
<br />
Holy crap I can't even tell you the turn around we saw.... He started smiling. He started laughing. He started playing. For the first time in YEARS he wanted to go outside and play. He told me he could see the future now (how low must he have felt to make that statement? :'( ). I essentially have my kiddo back. The kiddo I have not seen in FIVE YEARS. I wish I was kidding. I wish I was exaggerating.<br />
<br />
I have my boy back. I knew he was in there somewhere. I knew it. I had to fight, for years, to find someone to listen to me to get him back. The school has noticed and his teachers tell me how much they love this new kiddo (they loved him before but this non-stop smiling kiddo is just so wonderful to see) and how well he's doing.<br />
<br />
He's approaching people! He's introducing himself! He's engaging with his peers! He thinks he's the smartest kid ever! He's realized he CAN control his body! He's realizing that happiness really is possible!<br />
<br />
I knew he was in there. I couldn't give up hope that someday we'd be able to pull him back out so he can be the fun loving kiddo we always knew he was.<br />
<br />
We see the psych again on Friday. I can't wait to go. Things can only go up from here. Honestly, after this whole post anything else I have to share seems so small, so inconsequential that it just doesn't matter.<br />
<br />
The only thing that matters is that I have my kiddo back. This summer promises to be a good one now. Oh the things we can do!!<br />
<br />
Other things that have happened? Well... Um... We went to visit his favorite aunt (Aunt C) for Easter and he didn't perseverate on the house burning down or what would happen to the cats (how HUGE is that?!?!?!?!?!). I'm less than two weeks from graduating with my Masters in Special Ed (I know right?!?). And um... My house is actually clean.<br />
<br />
Yeah. None of that is nearly as exciting has the happy, playful, social-without-prompts, can-see-his-future-now, kiddo that has returned to me. :)Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-2172337489412588622014-04-30T10:42:00.000-04:002014-04-30T10:42:36.310-04:00Stepping from Drama Infested WatersI haven't been on my page or my blog much lately for many reasons (some of which are updates I'll place in another post). I apologize that I have been largely neglecting the page and blog. I've been taking a Facebook break over the past few months.<br />
<br />
A much needed Facebook break...<br />
<br />
I can't even begin to tell you the amount of drama I missed as a result and how much better my life is for it. (I had people unfriending me for my mere association with people they suddenly took exception with so... Yeah. There's that.) My personal newsfeed was beginning to look a lot like the tabloids at the check out line of the grocery store: drama, drama, and look more drama! It was getting to a point where I couldn't keep up and in my efforts to try and keep up and calm people and figure things out some pretty important things were falling by the wayside. Namely grad school, but also it was taking away time with the kiddo and and distracting me at work. It was a huge source of stress for me.<br />
<br />
A total no go for me.<br />
<br />
So I stepped back.<br />
<br />
Ok, I took a giant leap back. My Facebook habit has now been broken and I'm ok with that. I post just enough that people know I'm still alive (once a day or so, mostly pictures shared off my Instagram and through my phone) but I really don't read through my newsfeed anymore. I take a look at a couple of the top stories and move on. Thankfully my top stories have shifted from the drama infested folks I know to people who matter a little more. They know who they are since I interact with them almost daily. That doesn't mean no one else is important (and I don't always comment or like so it may be hard to tell), it's just that Facebook has weeded the worst of them out of my top stories for one reason or another. This has cleaned up my newsfeed considerably and made returning for periodic check-ins far more manageable.<br />
<br />
I really was never one for drama. If you are unhappy with your life, then change it. Despite whatever people think, it really is that simple. The constant griping about hating one's relationship one day and being madly in love the next, the "oh woe is me" left and right, the complaints about not liking one's job/boss/coworker, the posts that were so ridiculous sappy you knew they were fake, etc was really wearing me out. And you know what? It had to be wearing them out to be so negative.<br />
<br />
When did adults become such children? I just don't get it. This is behavior I would expect from the kiddos I teach, not adults in their 30s and beyond. I seriously have days where I think the Kindergarteners act better. It's really disheartening. <br />
<br />
I'm generally a positive person and try to see the good things. I don't like misery and certainly won't go looking for it. My personal page became a place of misery so I had to retreat. Over the last 4 months of sitting by and watching when I did log in, I've been able to do a lot of thinking and got the opportunity to see who was missing me. Turns out there are quite a few and you know what? They can all be found in the top stories section of my newsfeed. Coincidence? I think not.<br />
<br />
I guess Facebook does know what it's doing sometimes. It may keep people from seeing the page for this blog, but in a way, it's also helping me see the folks I need to see. My positive friends who understand me, my kiddo, and will go looking for me if I vanish.<br />
<br />
As time goes on I slowly start creeping back in and interacting more. I'm getting a little more free time and things are going extremely well in our corner (update to come). I promise to be back more soon- over the summer and it promises to be a great one! :) Thank you for bearing with me, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for all of you faithfully standing by! <3Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-55674460983906473272014-03-16T20:27:00.000-04:002014-03-16T20:27:52.211-04:00No Island Here...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="false"
DefSemiHidden="false" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="371">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:107%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is an article floating about from HuffPo about things
that an Autism parent will never say. (You can see it <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/jo-worgan-/autistic-children-parenting_b_4955922.html" target="_blank">here</a>.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At first I didn’t really know what to make of
it. I still really don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the article
it talked about how stressful raising an Autistic child is and how lonely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It said parents are peacekeepers from
everyone to the family to school to complete strangers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It claims we are isolated as parents of
Autistic children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It talks about
hurtful comments.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It gives the impression that it is all inclusive, that all
parents feel that way.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe I don’t have guilt over meeting my son’s needs because
I only have him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am able to devote my
time to him without “worrying” over “unfair” treatment to siblings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My issue with this claim is really simple: empirical
research suggests otherwise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Research
shows that NT siblings are enriched by their lives with their SN sibling, not
hampered by it. They are more open and understanding of those who are disabled
and more likely to help their peers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They also harbor no ill will towards their SN sibling for any
reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Imagine that: NT siblings of SN children
RECOGNIZE that they are simply different in what they need and support how
things happen at home. They get it and understand it. They also often grow up
to help support their siblings in their adult life, making sure they have what
they need.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, why would parents need to
harbor this “guilt”?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not a peacekeeper. I don’t try to make everyone happy
nor do I care to. I don’t have the time or energy for that. Frankly, I don’t
give a rat’s arse what some stranger in the supermarket thinks of us. It doesn’t
really affect me if they are that shallow and judgey. We don’t know them. It’s
a reflection of them and their character, not us or ours. Our life will go on
as usual. I don’t “try not to look bothered.” I’m NOT bothered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also will not be a peacekeeper at school.
That’s just straight up push-over nonsense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I will not allow ANYONE to walk all over me. I will not appease them to
make them happy. It’s their task to make me happy. Plain and simple. If your
school isn’t making you happy, get a lawyer, learn your rights. I also don’t
try to keep peace in my family or with my friends. If they can’t respect my
views and how I do things, then we will spend our time with someone who accepts
us as we are. We won’t be run over by anyone because they are “offended” or
upset by something we do. (Thankfully this isn’t anything I really have to deal
with.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe that author is isolated, but I sure as hell am
not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see, I put effort into my relationships
with family and friends to maintain them and keep their value.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I compromise myself in the process? No.
Just read my last paragraph.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For every
one person who has dropped out of our lives we have gained 10 or more who are
more than happy to share our lives. My friends and family have all done what
they can to learn about my son so that they can support us however they can. We
have some real people of value in our lives. I have also found my way into a
larger community of people who share my experiences and are also raising an
Autistic child (or 2).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have never felt
isolated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never will. I also don’t
like the author’s assumption that my son isn’t part of the social world. He has
friends. He loves people. He’ll chat the ear off anyone he knows. He plays with
and shares interests with his friends at school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are also very close. We are not “isolated”
as if we are two strangers living in the same house. My son will find a way to talk
to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Communication is not always
speech. He’ll write. He’ll draw. He’ll create. He tells me everything. Sorry,
no isolation or lack of social interaction here.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Do I hear stupid things in regards to my son being Autistic?
Sure. But it’s a teachable moment. Education is the single most powerful tool
in the world. I also hear hurtful things about me, my parenting, and even my
weight (how I need to gain a few pounds, for the record I’m healthy and fit and
at a perfect weight). I get assumptions all the time about how because I’m deaf
I should be dumb. Have I heard, “He doesn’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">look</i>
Autistic…” You betcha. It boils down to the ignorance (meant by the true
<a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ignorance" target="_blank">dictionary definition</a>) of the person making the comment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They simply do not know or understand.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is raising an Autistic child stressful? Sure. Just look at
how we are treated. Look at how anyone with a disability is treated. Time and
time again, day in and day out, we are treated like we are less than human, not
worthy to be alive or tended to. We cannot get the help we need, the services
we deserve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that doesn’t mean it’s
unbearable or too much to handle. I don’t think raising an Autistic is that
hard, frankly. He’s just another kid. (See <a href="http://autismmomdiaries.blogspot.com/2013/07/hes-kid.html" target="_blank">here</a>.) Able and capable of doing
what all other NT kids can do. We just do things differently. Our routines are
different. Our needs are different. It certainly isn’t this down-in-the-pits,
oh-woe-is-me, horror.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do not worry about the future. My son will be just fine.
He will live where he chooses to live, be it here or his own home, doing
whatever he wants to do with his future. He is well loved by so many. Since we
are not isolated in any way, socially or geographically, I have no concerns
over anyone being around to lend him a hand when he needs it. This holds true
whether or not I am here or not. I know he will be ok. I have confidence and
faith in him and our circle. After all, we started the foundation to his own
self-determination long ago. The seeds of self-advocacy and independence are
well planted. What do I need to worry about?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We don’t "suffer" anything. We enjoy life. We are whole,
complete, even content. Is it really that hard to believe? </div>
Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-83053688789131979632014-02-26T20:34:00.001-05:002014-02-26T20:34:55.984-05:00Changes in the WindEver have that moment where you are just sitting on the couch and have so much swirling in your head that you feel like it's going to explode?<br />
<br />
Yeah. That's me tonight.<br />
<br />
So I decided to write. Whatever comes out, comes out. :) <br />
<br />
There is so much going on, so much to say, so much to think. It's very overwhelming. We have a lot going on here on the home front. Too much. It's making me somewhat of an emotional mess.<br />
<br />
On the plus side I did get to take the kiddo to a new psychologist this past Monday. I took him to an Autistic focused clinic that is known for its residential treatment program. I'm not putting him in residential treatment, its just known for that and has some top notch specialists. That's exactly what we need...<br />
<br />
The office was two hours away but lets face it, I'd drive to California if I needed to. It was nice. We sat there with the intake psych for 2 hours covering absolutely everything you can think of, going over every detail of our lives, from structure to sensory needs to sleep to behaviors to you name it. She asked great appropriate questions. She really took her time with us.<br />
<br />
In early April we get to go meet with the psychiatrist there, discuss his current meds, and figure out the outpatient treatment plan. I'm really hopeful that we will be able to finally get somewhere and get this kiddo the help he needs. I'm so tired of watching my son struggle like this. He shouldn't be. He's such a happy, well loved child with so much going for him. I will write more about this process later.<br />
<br />
The influx of appointments and dedicated needs for him is absorbing a lot of time. As many of you know, I returned to full time work not too long ago. I made the painful and tough decision last week to withdraw from that. My job has been really fantastic with the transition and since it is with the Federal government at the local VA hospital, they are able to make the accommodations I need and are allowing me to become intermittent. So I will be able to work a couple of pre-scheduled days a week. This will allow me to have the flexibility to do what I need for my son. There are so many phone calls and appointments to be had when you are trying to get things set right! I will sub at the local schools to fill in the voids.<br />
<br />
It seems like a lot, right? The plus side to this is that since Sparky now rides the bus every morning and every afternoon he won't see the variance in my schedule. Considering how well (not!) he does with the craziness this is a really great thing. Everything will stay the same for him, stay consistent. It's my world that will go nuts! :)<br />
<br />
Of course, he will notice when he wakes up and I'm still here in the morning (I presently leave around 7am for work and he's usually asleep at that time). He will no doubt enjoy that. I know I will!<br />
<br />
In the long run it's all for Sparky and that's what gets me through all of this. He is my focus, as he should be.<br />
<br />
This change in schedule will also hopefully allow me to get back to running again. I could use the movement as it really helps with my migraines. They are a little out of control right now. It will no doubt do wonders for my own mental health and what is left of my sanity... ;) Then I can create my game plan to get the kiddo out with me. On his scooter of course. :)<br />
<br />
So many changes going on around here. In the long run, it is what is best. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. I've said it before, and I will say it again in closing: We adjust, we adapt, we overcome. :)Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-62252437826025386142014-02-20T22:15:00.000-05:002014-02-20T22:15:52.985-05:00Dear Teacher<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/>
<w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
<w:Word11KerningPairs/>
<w:CachedColBalance/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->On one hand I can understand how innocent you think your
project is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just send home a paper about
ancestry and ask kids to have their parents fill in the ancestry for mom, dad,
and both sets of grandparents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
return with it, you have a great class discussion, everyone learns something.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have one problem with that. The traditional mom-dad-kiddo
family is not so traditional any more...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What about students in those non-traditional families? Those
in foster care? Single parent households? Adopted? Kinship care? Protective
custody?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What about them? They may not know. They may not ever know.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Did you think about the families who had to deal with
parents who’s rights were revoked? Families who were abandoned? Children in
foster care who will never know anything about their birth families?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Imagine my shock when my son produced a family tree paper
asking for his family ancestry. Imagine my shock when he asked me if he had a
father and why he couldn’t remember him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let me share something with you, you can’t spring something
like this on families and assume all will be well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My honest response was not pretty. Truthful. But
not pretty.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It shouldn’t matter. Honestly, I didn’t want to really
discuss it because it shouldn’t matter. He technically does not exist. But thanks
to you... He now does.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My son isn’t alone in how much he struggles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many children, disabled or not, struggle
mightily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can you imagine how the child
without one or both of their parents feels when they bring this paper home and
can’t fill it out?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That is the case with us. Technically, his father does not
exist. He is not a conversation that happens.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You see, a number of years ago the court decided that he was,
in fact, a rather crappy and immature human being and revoked his parental
rights. They saw him as unfit if you will.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You read that right, the court revoked his parental rights
to his child. Not that he ever wanted anything to do with the kiddo...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let that sink in.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m sure you’ll feel mortified when you read my note and
find out that his father’s rights were revoked and that until now, he didn’t
even know he should have one. He is not a topic of discussion.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The kicker? I guess they really don't share custody
information despite saying they do and requiring me to prove it to the school
with a copy of the order... Well, so much for that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m really surprised that you would make such a basic
assumption about families in this day and age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At least warn the families that such a project is coming home. Let the
family prepare for how to answer those questions or to opt out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s really not something you can spring on
someone like that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know I’m really bad
at making things up on the spot...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="uficommentbody">It has really opened some wounds
for me in many ways... The kiddo is struggling enough and now he knows his own
father couldn't be bothered with him. He doesn't know why but I do. I won’t
write it here because it’s reasoning that needs to come directly from me to my
son, but I will comfortably say that he needs to burn in hell for what he said
to me and the language he used...</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="uficommentbody">These kinds of questions,
especially without any preparation, can (and have) become a serious issue in a
household like mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not a subject
that can be taken lightly or easily.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="uficommentbody">I went to Facebook with this
because I was so upset.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My concerns and
upset were shared by many from different backgrounds. I have adopted friends
who especially felt the pain of it having done these types of assignments in
the past but were left invalidated by it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="uficommentbody">Every family is different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Family dynamics are different than they used
to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Teachers need to be sensitive to
these ever changing dynamics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Teachers
need to respect and be sensitive to how families operate today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We long longer have the dad-mom-kiddo
norm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is simply no longer the norm.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="uficommentbody">Please, be more sensitive to the
culture that exists today. Adjust your thinking and ideals to match the students
you serve in your classroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You owe
them that much.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="uficommentbody">I leave you with this AMAZING
video that was shared with me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="uficommentbody"><a href="http://www.teachertube.com/viewVideo.php?video_id=321602" target="_blank">Watch This Guy Misspell ’Father’ At A Spelling Bee For A Beautiful Reason</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="uficommentbody">I know I couldn’t stop crying.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-48933151119232695262014-02-16T15:11:00.000-05:002014-02-16T15:11:05.369-05:00Under Siege<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/>
<w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
<w:Word11KerningPairs/>
<w:CachedColBalance/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
A feeling.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A feeling like nothing you have ever felt before.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All consuming. Eating you. Creeping though you to cover
every last inch.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nothing can stop it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It numbs your touch.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It makes you weak.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You shake.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tremble.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Trying not to fall.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The world starts spinning.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So dizzy...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The merry-go-round doesn’t stop. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You hold still. You can’t close your eyes. It only gets
worse.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You fight the light.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You fight the sounds.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Every movement. Every step. Every breath. They just bring
more pain.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You start to sweat, yet you are freezing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You brain just seizes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can’t think.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can’t process.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can’t function.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You press on knowing you can’t quit. You can’t pause. You
can’t stop.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nothing helps. It doesn’t end.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Suddenly you feel nothing. The buzzing creeps through your body from
your fingers and toes rising like a great flood. You go numb. The whiteness
creeps from all corners of your vision and you’re blinded.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then it passes. The world returns. The pain continues....</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is my reality.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-------------------------------</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t often write about me. I write about my son. Our journey.
After all, this is what it is all about. I’ve been hearing the assumption a lot lately that life has to be so difficult or so hard raising a child
with special needs.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nope.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Living with a migraine/seizure disorder is hard.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Waking up literally every day of my
life with a headache is hard. Every.Single.Day.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Waking up every day with some level of fear over what the day will bring. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The only variance I have is just how bad it hurts. Some
days it’s an annoying twinge. Other days it’s a full on attack.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If I wake up and I’m already under attack I can pretty much
guarantee it will be a day from hell.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nothing can alleviate the pain, the dizziness, the nausea,
the sensitivity.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Any sudden movement will threaten to send me spiraling to the floor. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are moments I pray for a seizure. Why? Because when my
brain gets stuck and I’m completely numb it is the only relief I will get. The
pain won’t go away, but I can function again. Sometimes it takes minutes. Other
times, hours.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t get time outs. I don’t get sick leave. I don’t get
to go hide in a corner.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am a single mom. My son needs me. I am on duty 24/7 no
matter what.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That, my friends, is hard.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not my son.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not Autism.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Chronic pain. </div>
Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-68424897521968478842014-01-26T14:08:00.000-05:002014-01-26T14:08:06.210-05:00Of Lovies and Comfort...I was sitting here on the couch with the kiddo last night, watching Tom and Jerry for the 342,892,758,729,514th time this week and for some reason my mind went back in history. I had been having the kind of day where I just kept seeing him in me.<br />
<br />
When I was a baby I had a Pooh bear who I could not leave the house without. My mom had told me stories about how upset I would get and the meltdown I would have if he was ever left behind. I had to take my bear anywhere we went.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I went back to look at photos and my Pooh bear shows up in so many of them. I really did take him everywhere... He was with me while I was sleeping. He was my “baby” in the toy stroller. He was sitting next to the mud puddle watching me play. He was often tucked up under my arm. I’m not ashamed to admit that he went to college with me. Even now, he sits in my bedroom watching over me as I sleep.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjovOyyPQ0lV37sxctnwx9xWLgq8XRHvRevegmsPDU2766FuR827LFLJLF2DBDHdhd-1-FmIe_Ewop59ac49Bg9TkQj2A1rrhvC_37VxLXuRdaJxjIcDpi7Npec00YGHT17-lFlBgUi9BNR/s1600/2014-01-25+21.14.42.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjovOyyPQ0lV37sxctnwx9xWLgq8XRHvRevegmsPDU2766FuR827LFLJLF2DBDHdhd-1-FmIe_Ewop59ac49Bg9TkQj2A1rrhvC_37VxLXuRdaJxjIcDpi7Npec00YGHT17-lFlBgUi9BNR/s1600/2014-01-25+21.14.42.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a><br />
(Awww.... Yeah, I know.)<br />
<br />
If you look closely at the picture below, you can even see the stitching that my 5-year old self did in giving him a new red shirt and black nose.<br />
<br />
I remember losing him one fall, long long ago. I was devastated. It was literally the worst thing that could happen to me. I searched everywhere for him. He was gone... I spent the winter beyond depressed, upset that my beloved Pooh was gone. I probably drove everyone to insanity constantly asking and lamenting over him. That spring I was outside playing and kicking around leaves from the leaf pile we jumped in just a few months before. I kicked him. I was beyond excited! I ran into the house with him just screaming. My mom wasn’t so thrilled but (blessedly) washed him and tried to salvage my bear.<br />
<br />
(My bear today:)<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiD3awqRy5xF0JIAqK00mNPmpAbZq1X2knAb3yh4LsiQlsWYx9keZkXYLAk7Xyo7qQDYzFJ6S8xIoMAcBC1Llc3sEVLALfkfTVkfg4Ry5oHe9J_1IrQOwGOk4qxSRoBtpJTCg03Rlj72tf/s1600/2014-01-25+20.59.40.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiD3awqRy5xF0JIAqK00mNPmpAbZq1X2knAb3yh4LsiQlsWYx9keZkXYLAk7Xyo7qQDYzFJ6S8xIoMAcBC1Llc3sEVLALfkfTVkfg4Ry5oHe9J_1IrQOwGOk4qxSRoBtpJTCg03Rlj72tf/s1600/2014-01-25+20.59.40.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></a><br />
I will never forget the day a couple of years ago when I was sick with a migraine and couldn’t even get out of bed. I was out and lost to the world, unable to move, breathe, anything without the room spinning. I recall my arm being moved, something being tucked up under it, and hearing footsteps creep away...<br />
<br />
I looked up and discovered that Sparky had literally scaled the wall, plucked my Pooh bear from the high shelf he was sitting on, and placed him under my arm for comfort. I asked him why he got Pooh down. He said simply that because he was my bear and I was sick, so I must need him for comfort.<br />
<br />
Wow. Just wow...<br />
<br />
(No empathy my arse...)<br />
<br />
Not once had he seen me cuddle this bear. Not once had I mentioned anything about this bear. He just knew, on his own, what the bear signified and decided that I needed him. He was about 8 at the time.<br />
<br />
Sparky didn’t have anything that he was attached to when he was a toddler. He was three before he found something that had that affect on him. Once he found it though... Oh man... I got a taste of what I had put my poor mother through.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDIdvyMeZwltItDhhVeKOBdjj-Kn5EjRWniwOLRZE8fsKOKb8yvwlGrKsa-WndxiGUbiuRKjIRbLsaN8jg42lzu1OCe4AiNdRCc7xzBDmvSwiF_gWnCEBKxdH4XGaDmBHpQ0IZypoCFqAd/s1600/0916071413.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDIdvyMeZwltItDhhVeKOBdjj-Kn5EjRWniwOLRZE8fsKOKb8yvwlGrKsa-WndxiGUbiuRKjIRbLsaN8jg42lzu1OCe4AiNdRCc7xzBDmvSwiF_gWnCEBKxdH4XGaDmBHpQ0IZypoCFqAd/s1600/0916071413.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a>My son had come across a stuffed frog at the day care he attended. It was already well loved and was missing an eye. He hated leaving that frog behind every day and would have a major meltdown every day when we left. It was always the first thing he went for when we arrived in the morning. After about 2 weeks the day care staff gifted the frog to him because he loved it so much.<br />
<br />
That frog went everywhere... He slept with it. It went to the store. It went to the doctor’s. It went to Grandma’s. It went to parades. It went to the beach. It even still went to daycare. It went everywhere with us for years. If we ever forgot it (which was rare) we had to go back. It was like he couldn’t function without it. I don’t think we ever lost the frog, I was very careful about that knowing how heartbroken I was by my missing Pooh bear that winter.<br />
<br />
Over time he added to the posse who left the house. We added in a red puppy and a raccoon. To this day, the raccoon (also the first animal he’s EVER named) is the one he takes everywhere.<br />
<br />
(The puppy, the frog, and the raccoon- all ninja’d out of the kiddo’s room while he slept:)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxXzaJTr63h8XuXGaYof0u6VMj6SpwcCRjEura3sXaJ3udXJA81MtV28bbWfPLmUj2H3xI1SzRWvvnsmSdBsFK5-rCCsDedx8CxioC0khXZAqsje-NZQ99wvnwe0DLJRNcsCxxir2SaKGp/s1600/2014-01-25+22.21.36.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxXzaJTr63h8XuXGaYof0u6VMj6SpwcCRjEura3sXaJ3udXJA81MtV28bbWfPLmUj2H3xI1SzRWvvnsmSdBsFK5-rCCsDedx8CxioC0khXZAqsje-NZQ99wvnwe0DLJRNcsCxxir2SaKGp/s1600/2014-01-25+22.21.36.jpg" height="176" width="320" /></a></div>
To this day his animals still live just as well as my Pooh bear does. With us in our rooms, by our beds. The frog, the puppy and the raccoon all well loved. And Pooh bear, threadbare and also well loved.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>(Editor’s note: I feet it appropriate to tell you that I wrote this whole post with my Pooh bear tucked under my chin. I came downstairs with him in my hands and Sparky looked at me and asked me why I had my Pooh bear. I told him I just need him. He smiled and kissed my cheek. Love this kid!!)
</i></div>
Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-66766244476864012072013-11-05T17:21:00.001-05:002013-11-05T20:32:09.542-05:00Big Steps<p dir="ltr"><u><u>As</u></u> many of you know I have returned to work for now. We have to do what we have to in order to make ends meet right?</p>
<p dir="ltr">Well with this we've had major changes.....</p>
<p dir="ltr">Last Friday I had off so we did our test pilot and put the kiddo on the bus for the very first time ever. If you follow my page at all you'll know it was a blazing success!! For those of you who don't, despite all the anxiety on everyone's part, we prepped and planned very well. He came off the bus grinning ear to eat and saying that it was fun!</p>
<p dir="ltr">The bus he rides on is a special designation bus. It only has special needs kiddos from his school. That's it. No mixed population. So we thankfully get to avoid all the bs that goes with bullies. Since he lives on the other side of town and the school he attends isn't his home school (the same is true for the others on the bus) we also lose any weird stigma. These kids simply live elsewhere.</p>
<p dir="ltr">So I get off work at 4 now. I think this bus thing could work since his official drop off time is 4:14 pm. Even if he beats me home it won't be by more than 5 minutes. So begins our next round of prep. Getting him in the door without panicking if I'm not here.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Before you get all sweaty and upset with me, know that he can definitely handle it. He manages just fine when I'm sleeping till noon on lazy Saturdays. He is actually really excited over the prospect of being here by himself and proving some responsibility. He can manage the door locks and playing a game or watching TV till I get home. Even if he has the munchies he can also get himself a snack. He wants to prove he can stay home alone while I go to the store. The jury might stay out on that one for a long while but we'll see.</p>
<p dir="ltr">It's all good.</p>
<p dir="ltr">So I've been working with him on unlocking the door and what he needs to do when he gets home. His BSC has made some cards at my request to walk him through what to do if he beats me home. He's getting a key. His teachers, BSC, and Grandma are all on board and ready to test this out this week (Grandma will be meeting him here at home this first week, helping to walk him through what to do, while I time myself home).</p>
<p dir="ltr">Sunday night, plan in place, start date in T+2 days and it hit me.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I have no house phone.</p>
<p dir="ltr">What if he needs to call? What if he can't get in? What if he just needs a mommy eta time check?</p>
<p dir="ltr">Fudge.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Insert two frantic days of 'now what?!?!' here.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I've never had a house phone so I don't even know if these lines are any good. But I investigate anyway. $10 phone services exist right?</p>
<p dir="ltr">Wrong...</p>
<p dir="ltr">Upon closer inspection they aren't really $10 and some even interfere with home security systems. Well that doesn't help. I'd need a real, traditional phone line put in.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Mobile phone? I do have access to a new phone from a friend. Perfect. </p>
<p dir="ltr">And.... Holy crap are the plans expensive. Even the prepaid!! I can't add him to my line very easily because I have the ancient nonexistent plan from Verizon that gives me unlimited data that I will never give up. (Over my dead body!) I am still unclear on if it could be added to the iPad, also Verizon... Still investigating.</p>
<p dir="ltr">All this stuff takes too much time!! I need something ASAP!!</p>
<p dir="ltr">So I start looking at apps. Google voice (which I currently use for voice mail), Talkaphone, Skype...</p>
<p dir="ltr">None will work because they won't let me call myself. Ugh!!!! I went to bed very frustrated last night. So I sent out a call for help.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I got a lot of suggestions. I got some offers of free phones. Nothing that would really quite work. And some I just couldn't implement fast enough. (Phone offers are on standby....)</p>
<p dir="ltr">Then a dear friend (you may know him from <a href="http://blogginglily.blogspot.com">Blogging Lily</a>) clued my blonde self in to a brilliant idea.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Use a separate Skype account.</p>
<p dir="ltr">GENIUS!!!</p>
<p dir="ltr">Who doesn't have several email addresses sitting around collecting dust? I sure do!</p>
<p dir="ltr">So I set one up for him (I already had one). I gave it a password the kiddo would remember. I logged it in on my laptop. Shazam!!!! It worked! We did a test call to the account I already have <u>and</u> the kiddo nearly came out of his skin with excitement!</p>
<p dir="ltr">Hmm... Will it go on the iPad? .... I look... Holy crap on toast it will!! So I set it up there. Once again the kiddo's skin peeled off in his excitement.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Wait! The phone! My old phone travels to school with him and he gets it for rewards to make videos or whatever. It basically runs like the iPad so it's usable. Internet over Wi-Fi.... I log it on... It works!!! I think he might have passed out.... ;)</p>
<p dir="ltr">I think we are covered for now.</p>
<p dir="ltr">He's growing up so fast on me.... Please pray for my sanity this week. :D</p>
Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-56519485970850099982013-10-22T22:39:00.001-04:002013-10-22T22:40:09.702-04:00Through the Looking Glass....I sat there in the office, looking at my doctor, who was just looking at me.<br />
<br />
Moments ago he had told me that yes, I do appear to have it, but since I already know and am very self aware, why am I asking him to confirm it?<br />
<br />
I didn't have an answer. Why was I seeking the answer from him? I knew the answer, sure. But hearing it is validation right? Or so I thought. It was the other words that hit me: you are self aware, you already know, you seem to have adjusted and coped just fine with it. Oh, and I should seek counseling as it is something that helps everyone.<br />
<br />
I wanted to laugh hysterically. Coped well? Adjusted? Managed just fine? Did this guy even know me? I felt a little insulted by his assumptions. Oh, if he only knew....<br />
<br />
Yes. I knew it already. I didn't expect to hear it, that wasn't the main reason I was there, but deep down I knew. I didn't really need him to tell me that I was on the spectrum, that I was likely an Aspie.<br />
<br />
I knew.<br />
<br />
To me there is a genetic component. My son got it from me. Well that explains that then.<br />
<br />
Adjusted well?<br />
<br />
I guess if you can call a Bachelor's degree, teaching certification and being 2 classes away from a Master's degree "adjusted."<br />
<br />
More like "damn lucky to have somehow navigated so blindly through the universe that never understood me or feeling like I ever fit in."<br />
<br />
But sure. I adjusted well. (/snark)<br />
<br />
I've actually sat on this for about 6 months now. Six months this has been swirling in my brain. I had no idea how to write this. How to put it into words. Until now, I haven't told anyone.<br />
<br />
Not my mom. Not my sisters. Not my best friend. Not even Strike. No one.<br />
<br />
I was talking to my dear friend over at Mutha Lovin Autism not too long ago about this. She had written an amazing post that really struck a chord with me. You can read it <a href="http://muthalovinautism.wordpress.com/2013/09/15/she-is-me-i-am-her-the-female-with-aspergers/">here</a>. She told me that only I can make the decision on where to go with this information. I honestly still don't know. But right now I feel that it needs to be out there. I've sat on it long enough.<br />
<br />
Will it bring more understanding? Probably not. Will people look at me differently. Probably. But I have always held to the belief that I will be true to who I am and embrace it.<br />
<br />
Over the last 6 months I have thought about many things. Growing up, school, my degrees, relationships... I've had so many struggles that I think would have been less had I known then what I know now. I was fighting against who I was not understanding myself, my emotions, my thoughts. I'm a pretty intense person. On every level... O.o<br />
<br />
One relationship stands out when I think back. It was just a few years ago. He was a really great guy, said and did the right things, and things were great. Until they weren't. How much of that was him and how much was me is debatable and not relevant. (It was really about 50/50 anyway.) What is relevant is my own over-reactions to rather simple and insignificant things. I perseverated needlessly on so many things. It became harmful. My own reactions being so strong and sudden and him not possibly able to know where it was coming from, was a huge issue. I still struggle with this today. But not just in general, specific to this relationship. Had I been more self aware at the time to my own thoughts and emotions, I think things would have gone very differently. He will never see this post, as I'm sure he has no idea I write or even have this blog, but to him, I apologize. I was pretty intense, wasn't I? ") <br />
<br />
Does it matter? In the long run no. We are both very happy with our current situations, I'm sure. I know I am. What does matter is the ability to have self awareness.<br />
<br />
Where am I going with this? Over the last 3 years I've developed this self-awareness. This has helped me tremendously and has trickled down to the kiddo. How? Knowing my own struggle helps me understand and help him through his.<br />
<br />
I heard not too long ago that I am a different person that I was a couple years ago. I have made a point of changing how I was in an attempt to make my relationships healthier and stronger. I like this new me. I feel stronger. I feel better. I finally feel like "me." I am conscious of where my limits are and managing myself. I didn't have a name for it, it was just something I knew I had to deal with and work on. It's something I work with the kiddo daily on. He needs to know his and how to work with them. What I haven't figured out yet is my temper and level of intensity... Someday I hope to get there. It's work in progress and I am improving.<br />
<br />
Knowing what I do now, so much makes sense. I even sat down to compile a list of things (a running list because I keep thinking of new things) that make sense now when you look at how Asperger's is described (you can find this list in the link above, all apply which threw me through a loop, but I'm just highlighting some here):<br />
<br />
Things like head banging in the car. I needed to move, so I'd move. There was something strangely comforting about constantly banging on the back of the seat. (My sisters didn't appreciate it much though...) I craved the motion. I still do. I can rock or swing for hours. I was a very stimmy child, often flapping my hands and being told very sarcastically that I wouldn't make it off the ground by an uncle of mine... :/ <br />
<br />
I crave pressure. I am one who will sleep with the comforter when it's 100 degrees in the room. I need to feel the weight. I also have to have my feet covered at all times.<br />
<br />
I was staring at objects from an early age, just watching them move, trying to figure out how they moved. A few years ago I remember doing this with a Hoberman sphere that my son has. I lost hours to that thing one afternoon.<br />
<br />
I had a thing I can only describe as a "scissors feeling when in car." I would cry over this one. Whenever I touched something I felt as though there was some sort of invisible string still tying me to that object that I had to "cut" to release. Then I'd have to cut what I just cut. Then cut again. And again... You get the idea. Eventually I would just cry in frustration.<br />
<br />
I am one of the most inflexible people I know. I'm very rigid in how I think and respond. I have a really hard time adjusting to changes in plans, especially when they are last minute. I can easily lash out. Zero to 60 in 2.3 I always say... Once the change is in my head, I'm ok. I can adjust myself after the initial panic, talk myself down, and be ok. I just have to get there first...<br />
<br />
I also have to do things in a very specific way. I thrive on routine. Things have to happen at certain times and in certain ways or it throws me off. This morning I accidentally shaved my right leg first... Seems like a small thing but it really messed with me for a while after that.<br />
<br />
I have a love of cats. That is likely where my son gets it from. Growing up my world revolved around them. I was convinced for years that I would be a wildlife photographer and go to Africa to photograph them. They are and have been an intense, deep, interest for me. I am very attuned to my kitties.<br />
<br />
I have major sensory issues. The biggest one being the feel of my clothing when I'm tired. They just get suddenly uncomfortable. When this happens I get irritable. I even have to take off my watch. I also hate being wet. It is nails on a chalkboard for me.<br />
<br />
I have a major need for music at times. It works wonders to regulate my thoughts and emotions. It helps calm me and make sense of chaos around me. If the kiddo is particularly vocally stimmy I will have to pop in my headphones in order to be in the same room. (Which hurts to say.) Many of you already know of the headphones and music we bought for him for the same reason.<br />
<br />
I often live in my own world. I like it there. I feel safe there. Going with that, I prefer to be alone. I'm content to sit by myself undisturbed for long periods of time.<br />
<br />
My whole life I have struggled greatly with who I am and where I fit in. I've never really felt I belonged in a sense. I didn't feel like I really had an identity unless I had a label: band member, cheerleader, admin, and eventually mom and teacher. I live by those labels. Without them I am lost.<br />
<br />
I often have to rely on my friends in social situations for cues on how to respond to something. I often respond wrong and don't know it or understand why (a big issue in relationships, like the one I already mentioned). The issue here is that I am often seen as cold and unfeeling which is really not accurate at all. I easily offend and alienate people as a result.<br />
<br />
As strange as it may sound, I keep certain objects near me at all times. It changes as times goes on but it's pretty consistent. As a result, I carry a large purse... I have a hard time letting go, objects or people.<br />
<br />
My closest friends have always been male. I say it's because there is less drama (which is true) but men are often so black and white. This makes them so easy to understand. They also don't really seem to care so much about those minor social things that women pick others apart for.<br />
<br />
I've always been very motherly, taking care of people and making sure everything is ok. This usually isn't an issue on a larger scale and it works nicely to counteract those who think I'm cold and unfeeling.<br />
<br />
I'm very blunt and have no filter. This is not good in many social situations but over the years I have developed my skill for tact and diplomacy which has helped ease the sting on this one.<br />
<br />
Growing up I found it easier to be friends with people older than me and had many adult friends. To this day I have friends who are older than me (as I age this gap closes). I've been told I have an old soul. I can only guess this is where that comes from.<br />
<br />
I found it interesting than an intense interest in reading was on the list. I'm an avid reader and am never happier than when I have a book in my hands. My son shares this love of books and we currently have far more books than we have shelves to put them on! He recently came home and told me that the book fair was coming to school and on what day so I wasn't allowed to forget! :)<br />
<br />
Appearing shy was also on the list and this one made me smile. Growing up I was often assumed shy because I am also hearing impaired. I would avoid large crowds and when I couldn't, I would be the quiet one in the corner. I would (and still do) avoid going to parties and large gatherings for this very reason. However, around trusted friends I would be completely out of that shell and show my more outgoing side.<br />
<br />
I remember a little quirk I had growing up. I would circles around the house for hours. Perfectly content to circle, lost in my own world and thoughts. About 3 years ago now, my son was spotted doing the same and I had received a frantic phone call from my mother who was convinced the kiddo was upset and I needed to come pick him up. He was perfectly content, and I knew he was, but there was no convincing her. (She does not remember this but there was so much going at that time that it probably didn't stand out to her.)<br />
<br />
The ability to hide how things really are? Got it. I am very well mannered in a sense and never reveal how I'm really feeling or what is really going on in my life. I find it very difficult to let anyone in.<br />
<br />
I've always been very conscious of appearances. Always. Everything has to be "just right" or it won't work. I will change my clothes 6 times before leaving the house if something is not quite right. Going with that, I have to have certain things like my watch or a necklace. I cannot leave the house without my necklace... (I've also worn the same necklace for the last 4 years...)<br />
<br />
I think it's obvious that I'm a writer. I used to write poetry. It all surrounded my feelings. Some of it has been published. I feel free when I write. I get lost in the worlds I make. I also draw. I love art. It's something the kiddo and I definitely share. I am also an actress. My first degree (BA) is in theater.<br />
<br />
I guess that lets the cat out of the bag so to speak. To go back to the original question, why seek the answer from him? Validation in a world that has time and time again invalidated everything I have ever felt. Confirmation of what I know. The beginning of something to help make sense of my world.<br />
<br />
For the last several years I have seen my son in me. It has been both eye-opening and comforting in many ways. I no longer wish to "see how he sees" because I realize now that I already do. As Mutha Lovin Autism said best: He is me. I am him.<br />
<br />
<i>Editor's Note: Before publishing this post I did send it to my family and Strike for them to read. I don't want to spring anything on anyone. As I expected, there were no surprises. I have also embraced my happy stimmy self which I'm sure is driving Strike nuts, but he needs to know what he's in for right? ;) I feel free. I feel happy. I feel better than I have in years.</i>Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-76277506539139554042013-09-06T19:35:00.003-04:002013-09-06T19:35:41.525-04:00When We Fall...When a baby learns to talk... She babbles. She makes noise. She keeps babbling. She learns to talk.<br />
<br />
When a toddler learns to walk... He falls. He gets up. He falls. He gets up. He learns to walk.<br />
<br />
When a child learns to run... She trips. She falls. She gets up. She tries again. She learns to run.<br />
<br />
When a child learns to ride a bike... He gets on. He falls. He gets on. He falls. He gets back on. He falls. He learns to ride.<br />
<br />
You struggle. You learn. You experience heartbreak. You suffer disappointments. You get up. You dust yourself off. You continue on.<br />
<br />
You sit in the office. You hear the words. "He has what we call Autism." You react.<br />
<br />
You fall. You get up. You continue on.<br />
<br />
You struggle teaching him to speak. To dress. To eat. To just call you "mom."<br />
<br />
You fall. You get up. You continue on.<br />
<br />
You sit helplessly as you watch your son rage against himself. He wants a new brain. He doesn't understand why it "doesn't work" the way people expect it to. Why can't he be like his friends at school? Why can't he understand what others do? He wants to die.<br />
<br />
You fall. You get up. You continue on.<br />
<br />
You find yourself holding him. He's raging. He's angry. He doesn't see you. He doesn't see his mom. You are there. But he doesn't <i>see</i> you. He sees anger. Upset. He surprises you with an amazingly powerful right hook to the cheek.<br />
<br />
You fall. You cry. Your world shatters again.<br />
<br />
What do you do?<br />
<br />
What you do next defines you. It makes you. It breaks you.<br />
<br />
What do you do?<br />
<br />
Do you get up and try again?<br />
<br />
Do you decide you've had enough and give in?<br />
<br />
<i>What would you do? </i><br />
<br />
I see his frustration. I can see it in his eyes as he rages within trying to get a thought out.<br />
<br />
I see him struggle to tell me an idea.<br />
<br />
I see him fight to tell me how he feels.<br />
<br />
I
hear him rage verbally about his brain. He screams that he needs a new one.
He doesn't understand why it "doesn't work" like he thinks it should. He beats his head with his fists, leaving scratches and bruises, trying to get it to "work."<br />
<br />
I watch him struggle with who he is and the body he is in.<br />
<br />
There is <i>nothing</i> I can do to make it better. <i>Nothing</i> I can do to help him make sense of it. <br />
<br />
All I can do is hug him, tell him how much I love him, tell him he's perfect as he is, and duck.<br />
<br />
I
never knew just how much I would struggle as a mom. I cry more than I
like to admit. I scream. I yell. I throw things. I totally lose my mind.
I have nights where all I want is a drink so I can relax. I am
constantly stressed. Constantly on my toes. Constantly in high gear.<br />
<br />
I
get hugged, kissed, scratched, hit, punched, snuggled, yelled at,
smiled at, and gifted. All in one day. Sometimes all in the same hour. <br />
<br />
And
when I cry, I cry <i>hard</i>. Sometimes it's a single tear sliding silently
down my cheek unnoticed, all the upset contained in that single drop. Sometimes it's the ugly cry locked in the
bathroom. <br />
<br />
When I crack, I crack hard.<br />
<br />
But I do the <i>only</i> thing I know how to do.<br />
<br />
Get up.<br />
<br />
Dust myself off.<br />
<br />
And continue on.<br />
<br />
My baby is relying on me. He's the most precious gift I have.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow is a new day. <br />
<br />
We adjust. We adapt. We overcome.<br />
<br />
<i>**Editor's note: Whenever I do break down and lost my cool it is rarely in the kiddo's presence. I will leave the room. I will take him to Grandma's. I will do what I need to do to get a break and regroup. We all need a plan. What is yours?**</i>Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-53129241313797033872013-09-01T15:13:00.000-04:002013-09-01T15:13:31.472-04:00Another School Year on the BooksSo another school year has begun. I'm sort of over the whole 5th grade thing. Sort of. I'm working on it, I promise! It's just hard to believe that he's reaching middle school (it starts at 6th grade in our district).<br />
<br />
Thus far it has gone off without a hitch. I kind of feel like it's the calm before the storm, but we shall see.<br />
<br />
Last Monday I took the kiddo to go see his classroom. Due to some major shifting in the district his AS teacher got moved to a new classroom. In order to keep things flowing and have very few surprises on the first day we decided that he should definitely see the room before school started on Tuesday.<br />
<br />
We get to the school and we stop to look at the class listings posted on the door. We knew who his gen ed teacher was going to be but I wanted to see who was in his room. I'm reading down through the list of names for him and I pause...<br />
<br />
"Hey buddy, you are never going to believe who is in your homeroom!"<br />
"Who?!"<br />
<br />
I read her name, that sweet girl that is his 'girlfriend' that he made that Valentine for last year. He let out a yelp and grinned so big I thought his face would crack. He even started jumping around. He was so thrilled! I keep reading through the names and one of his friends, P, from the AS room is also in his class.<br />
<br />
Perfect.<br />
<br />
We walk on in and start looking for his new AS room. We find it with little effort and Mrs. L is waiting for him. They also have two new, young, male aides this year... (They looked like babies to me but in all fairness they are probably 22ish). Having these two young men in there should definitely be an asset to Mrs. L and her other lady aide, neither of whom are getting any younger. They are probably thrilled to have these young guys available to chase the kiddos.<br />
<br />
But I'm getting off topic.<br />
<br />
We head on down to the 5th grade pod to find his homeroom. He stops by the LS class and talks to his teacher there and starts talking his ear off about Minecraft. "Hey A, did you read this summer?" Silence. Haha! Like he read this summer.... :D We then walk over to the other corner of the pod to his new homeroom.<br />
<br />
His new teacher this year is one of those annoying bubbly types. The kind that you just want to smack at times... This is actually a good thing for him. He needs that bubbliness to keep him going. He finds his seat, his friend P is next to him and.... Yep. His cute little gf is sitting kitty corner to him.<br /><br />If I thought he couldn't possibly get more excited, I was totally wrong....<br />
<br />
Naturally I kept teasing him about whether or not he was going to pay attention in class or if he'd be too busy staring at her. Haha! ("Mom, you are NOT funny!")<br />
<br />
The next morning I walked in with the kiddo, sat with him through breakfast as I always do the first day, and walked with him to his room. This year he gets to go straight to his homeroom to check in. (He used to check in at AS, leave his stuff, and then travel to homeroom for morning stuff.) We arrive at the room, he kisses and hugs me, and travels on in. His gf sees him, her face lights up, and she waves at him.<br />
<br />
Ok, I have to pause here. I've seen this girl on and off for 5 years. She was in his 1st grade class. She is deadpan. I have NEVER seen her smile. In fact, Mrs. L and I had just been talking the day before about how no one ever sees her smile. Ever.<br />
<br />
She SMILED for my kiddo, folks. She SMILED. MY KID has that affect on her.<br /><br />Holy crap on toast.......<br /><br />I need a minute to absorb this....<br />
<br />
Ok. Moving on.<br />
<br />
I get a note home that the kiddo had a great first day and remained excited all day long. Well of course! From what the aide told me at the end of the day he got to hang out with his gf and his friend P ALL DAY. Naturally he's excited! She also noted that she thinks someone is ready for 5th grade. Well, I'm glad someone is..... ;)<br />
<br />
He had homework. Of course. Cause some things are just too good to be true. We had our usual homework battle. Let's face it though, who is ready for homework, and reading comprehension at that, on the first day of school? Not even I am ready for that. But we made it through.<br />
<br />
This excitement stayed with him throughout the week when on Friday morning he told me, "Mom, I don't know if I can do this 5th grade thing." To which I told him of course he can! He has thus far, it will be great! In my usual whaddayatalkinabout kind of mom way. He kind of looked at me funny, kissed my cheek, and went on in to breakfast.<br />
<br />
So a couple of other things happened this week that are pretty awesome too:<br /><br />1. He's made me breakfast every single morning. A S'mores poptart, toasted, that he would put on a plate and leave next to my laptop with a little note.<br />
2. He wore a Sonic shirt on Wednesday because his gf told him Tuesday that she likes Sonic. So he HAD to wear his for her. (This is HUGE!!!!) Reports are she loved it.<br />
3. He took a bath every single time I asked him to, all on his own. I realize this shouldn't be big news, but if you've followed me for a while you'd know the hell I'd go through and the battle it was getting him into the tub.<br />
4. He has woken up and gotten himself dressed every single day. I honestly wonder how long this will last and how long it will be before he's sleeping in and I'm dressing him as he sleeps.... But I'll take it while I can get it!<br />
5. His Minecraft playing is down. Like so far down he's only playing maybe an hour a day. As in, in the car on the way to/from school. Honestly, I'm not even sure he played it yesterday or today as of yet. I can definitely live with this... (Although he does still really want the computer version, which he will likely get soon, but on my laptop where I can limit it better than I can on the desktop.)<br />
6. I got him to take an unannounced, unscheduled, impromptu walk on the beach. Successfully. <br />
<br />
Let's hope for a repeat next week! Hey, a girl can dream, right? :)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9TUC0zituGuOAMpqm8yydlXizSubXmu7fD6P9PD07vCTRflPYnp1prxVa92okCA0DNy3KHKQErEzrQds2eoskAzhJn5osHEF92C9WMracHM9Zd78LPKP1apHhAPR8pQsT0g7nOTqC03wY/s1600/DSC02365.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9TUC0zituGuOAMpqm8yydlXizSubXmu7fD6P9PD07vCTRflPYnp1prxVa92okCA0DNy3KHKQErEzrQds2eoskAzhJn5osHEF92C9WMracHM9Zd78LPKP1apHhAPR8pQsT0g7nOTqC03wY/s320/DSC02365.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-41916469523981940952013-08-21T14:48:00.000-04:002013-08-21T14:48:59.520-04:00He's Growing Up....My baby is growing up.<br />
<br />
Sounds like a pretty obvious statement I know. He is starting 5th grade next week. He is 10 years old.<br />
<br />Over the summer we've been home every day together. Just doing what we do. I've had a first row seat to every thought, feeling, attitude, idea, and quirk to come his way.<br />
<br />
I can see the changes.<br />
<br />
Mental.<br />
<br />
Emotional.<br />
<br />
Physical.<br />
<br />
It is quite easy to brush aside the mental and emotional changes. They are, after all, not very concrete. Just slips of whispers on the wind gliding by...<br />
<br />
The physical changes are a bit harder. He's changing. His body is changing. He's going from my sweet little boy to a young man.<br />
<br />
Ten is a little too young, you think? Not so.<br />
<br />
With every wrangled bath, every swipe of deodorant, every dark new hair, each independent new thought, every new inch he grows, I know.<br />
<br />
It kind of makes me want to turn back the clock. Try to make up for all those times when I just "didn't have the time" to do so much with him when he was little. I want to embrace the little boy just a little more before I face the man he is becoming.<br />
<br />
But I can't turn back time. I can't even slow time. I'm left to only live here in the present moment with him. Snuggling as long as he'll let me. Accepting his many kisses on the cheek. And loving the thoughtful polite little man he is turning out to be.<br />
<br />
My mommy heart is breaking. But at the same time, it is bursting with the joy of seeing the amazing person he is turning out to be.<br />
<br />
I am, beyond a doubt, one happy and proud mama.Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-248153640531779061.post-87814606640028671362013-07-16T20:31:00.000-04:002013-07-16T20:31:18.905-04:00He's a Kid!It's not often I get angry at people. In fact I'm pretty easy going. I also don't often personally encounter people who are just plain ignorant or unable to understand. I don't often encounter people who view my child as being "less" somehow in comparison to NT children.<br />
<br />
Often as parents of Autistics (even Autistics themselves!) we encounter some level of ignorance towards our children. It's usually something that, all irritation aside, we can brush off and move on.<br />
<br />
It must be something in the air but I've seen so much of it that I have literally stopped dead in my tracks.<br />
<br />
I've seen facebook postings and blog entries about people feeling uncomfortable around our kiddos in some way or another. On one level, I can understand that if you aren't sure of how to respond or interact.<br />
<br />
Where I draw the line is people who question our judgement. And even I've been questioned recently.<br />
<br />
Judgement on what? ANYTHING. I know my son. I know what he can handle. I know his life story. I know myself. I know what I am capable of. I know how to handle things. It's a skill that we learn to hone. Survival depends on it.<br />
<br />
If I am comfortable with something, if I say "I've got this," then guess what? I've GOT this. We won't just talk out of our big toe and bluff. We don't have the time or the inclination. It isn't worth the effort.<br />
<br />
It's an insane little poetic irony, really. For example, one could trust my judgement on everything. Literally everything. Business, personal, whatever. But suddenly, when my son comes in the picture, my judgement isn't worth trusting?<br />
<br />
A wee bit hypocritical no?<br />
<br />
I have to say, I'm not too happy with this. How could any of us be? What is it about being Autistic that makes people pause? What is it that makes people suddenly think they aren't as capable as NT children (or adults)? What is it that makes them seem like alien creatures that are not capable of at least basic functioning?<br />
<br />
Guess what folks?<br />
<br />
He plays the same games your kids do (and is extremely good at it): Minecraft, Mario Brothers, Sonic, Pac Man, Angry Birds, Bad Piggies (which he beat in less than a week).<br />
<br />
He loves to play on the playground and go to the beach.<br />
<br />
He loves to swim. (I know, I just burst your "but Autistics don't swim!" bubble. You'll live.) <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=248153640531779061" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=248153640531779061" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=248153640531779061" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=248153640531779061" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a>He loves being on the water (he spent the first couple years of his life on a sailboat and still goes out on boats that family has, even canoes).<br />
<br />
He loves to watch movies and TV shows. Granted he probably watches a little more Animal Planet and National Geographic Wild than your average kiddo (his aunt was a zookeeper for years), but he loves Fairly Odd Parents, Penguins of Madagascar, Fraggle Rock, the Madagascar movies, the Ice Age movies, Muppets, America's Funniest Videos, Wipeout... The list goes on!<br />
<br />
He loves to read! Good lord can this kid read too.... I have more books in this house than I have shelves to put them on.<br />
<br />
He loves to draw and create. He's written 5 chapter books to date and he has more in his head to write. He's constantly drawing and molding with clay. He is extremely detailed in everything he creates. He draws every single day.<br />
<br />
He does chores, like, real responsible chores. He empties the dishwasher and feeds the cats. He cleans up his toys. Heck, he can even feed himself breakfast and lunch. He just started learning to cook on the stove!<br />
<br />
He's in the same class as your kid. Yep, included right on in, successfully! They help him, they play with him, they include him!<br />
<br />
He's always thinking. Always crafting. Always developing. Give him a challenge, he'll meet it. I guarantee you.<br />
<br />
Well, golly gee... He is... Well... A kid!<br />
<br />
They all are!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=248153640531779061" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=248153640531779061" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=248153640531779061" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=248153640531779061" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a>Do we have to take special considerations? Sure. We have to be mindful of the environment. Who isn't? We have to pay attention to schedules and routines. Who doesn't like predictability? We have headphones for when noises become too much. Makes sense. We are trying out a weighted blanket, mostly to ground him so he can sleep. Honestly, I'd use the thing too! Yes, we recently added a swing into my living room. It gives him the sensory input he needs to be calm and focus. Who doesn't like to swing or sit in a rocking chair?<br />
<br />
Yes, we have to be more hyper-vigilant. We are forced to be more aware. It tends to make us look like helicopter parents. But that doesn't make my son less of a kid.<br />
<br />
So explain to me again how my kid is so... "different"? How is he "less"? If kids can include him, why can't you?<br />
<br />
And because everyone loves pictures:<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ-Ccvg3cPLn7HJqkTJd4mQ6_wDVekHQ_Dg9MI2r4ktGt7-IrktR9Ujz9-jbmS0TvLOad392G0S-RQgiSFZqJS6bPO1Pu9_oFfMcDDvb7T3YLqJXr4Wxi7YVwb0dA5hfdDqEUTbzOVxcJK/s1600/2013-06-08+10.21.05.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ-Ccvg3cPLn7HJqkTJd4mQ6_wDVekHQ_Dg9MI2r4ktGt7-IrktR9Ujz9-jbmS0TvLOad392G0S-RQgiSFZqJS6bPO1Pu9_oFfMcDDvb7T3YLqJXr4Wxi7YVwb0dA5hfdDqEUTbzOVxcJK/s1600/2013-06-08+10.21.05.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=248153640531779061" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=248153640531779061" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=248153640531779061" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=248153640531779061" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB7A5SMUpQK9RO9RJoM6_ms004ZhpJHb9jk7JJ1K7dLfzxHL6KCWBK51gzbQ3HqQhAx_8G4Gm7ji959ODdrEbUhr-doRZQlcW7xWu_lNzPkAiAxa60HuwEmtgZ8E2BFHdnrdFXqrkstTAp/s1321/0424001425.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB7A5SMUpQK9RO9RJoM6_ms004ZhpJHb9jk7JJ1K7dLfzxHL6KCWBK51gzbQ3HqQhAx_8G4Gm7ji959ODdrEbUhr-doRZQlcW7xWu_lNzPkAiAxa60HuwEmtgZ8E2BFHdnrdFXqrkstTAp/s1321/0424001425.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif7_ySYmOwZhC4eqFFMQ9t7RlN4ppUARq3Fs7knv3JUMoJ_Y7J5gVSoUqWgOGNw2LFaNZzlqIRLcE0k9NSIgU2rAOGCwfPN9oJO7zCay3OpQ0NAyEI7X2izqVT4b_q-oAIwGNGPofaZKia/s1280/0726081350.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif7_ySYmOwZhC4eqFFMQ9t7RlN4ppUARq3Fs7knv3JUMoJ_Y7J5gVSoUqWgOGNw2LFaNZzlqIRLcE0k9NSIgU2rAOGCwfPN9oJO7zCay3OpQ0NAyEI7X2izqVT4b_q-oAIwGNGPofaZKia/s1280/0726081350.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxgx5xO_B4NYjd0c_qmE_7157yz8GNylhh5my9HwhHYZJJpRTQCdiWvl-b-IgKhkjCptwDgYURaUSZuN2CxGuRm0BRFGCYLAzXVIltAWZhsQCjctsmDcOk77KHhH2nxxmpMYwbiJnkK3-9/s1280/0726081416.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxgx5xO_B4NYjd0c_qmE_7157yz8GNylhh5my9HwhHYZJJpRTQCdiWvl-b-IgKhkjCptwDgYURaUSZuN2CxGuRm0BRFGCYLAzXVIltAWZhsQCjctsmDcOk77KHhH2nxxmpMYwbiJnkK3-9/s1280/0726081416.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9L76h6igIy_66J0ipTQKbjcpfNxfkg2XPfCETEgVDbnNKVPL5nHGoXLTKw_5RV8U9ZrPvdv2w-FeJKI20PzIIj9sCMG2hFzGre9IediVN1eIIW8A1xSMPIdoO-NgerVNzW9q2JlXrmoav/s512/downsized_0603001801.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9L76h6igIy_66J0ipTQKbjcpfNxfkg2XPfCETEgVDbnNKVPL5nHGoXLTKw_5RV8U9ZrPvdv2w-FeJKI20PzIIj9sCMG2hFzGre9IediVN1eIIW8A1xSMPIdoO-NgerVNzW9q2JlXrmoav/s512/downsized_0603001801.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb4Opz4vwA1j_ViK9GSHPxd-PlE0ehLTNZNz0DQygqQnVYonctYcL19uJc4XqZxf0GYWlV26eJ1M3MCT8Ko5SXN17Q8PiagqoJf5FZkVt25sweYOulzxJwlFLldQMZWnr4izoml8upBrZr/s1600/DSCF4145+(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb4Opz4vwA1j_ViK9GSHPxd-PlE0ehLTNZNz0DQygqQnVYonctYcL19uJc4XqZxf0GYWlV26eJ1M3MCT8Ko5SXN17Q8PiagqoJf5FZkVt25sweYOulzxJwlFLldQMZWnr4izoml8upBrZr/s1600/DSCF4145+(2).jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<br />Autism Mom Diarieshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13450262575844521212noreply@blogger.com5