Theatre Baby!

Yesterday I got to confuse the bejeebies out of of the family based team. I told them and our BSC rather casually that he would be going to rehearsal with me that night. My BSC didn't flinch. The FB team did. They both stared at me like deer caught in headlights.

Skeptically, "How does that go?"


Me: Just fine.

"You mean he sits quietly?"

"Wait, he doesn't come looking for you when he needs something?"

"He just sits and does his own thing?"

"How does he know to do that?"

"He just knows when he can talk to you and when he can't (when onstage)?"

"You have never had an issue with him disrupting anything?"

Best.Day.Ever.

No my kid isn't the out of control monster you seem to think he is. Nor am I this totally ineffective mother who can't do jack to teach her child appropriate mannerisms.

My response to their questioning was so simple, "He literally grew up in theater. He just knows."

Those of you who know my story know that I have  B.A. in Theater. I had my son during this time and took him back to college with me. There are many stories of the kiddo doing some thing or other in the theater spaces, backstage, shops, etc. I would set him down and he'd disappear as one of his adopted 150 aunts and uncles would whisk him away to play.

His greatest moment was when I was doing the Costume Design for Candide and he slipped away, toddled up on stage (in the middle of rehearsal), interrupted everyone, and started pointing his chubby little finger and gave his own stage directions. The director (my mentor) nearly fell out of his chair laughing.

He grew up in theater.

He knows when the lights are down, you are quiet.

He knows when the curtains 'fall', you clap.

He knows when Mommy is on stage, she is unavailable.

He also somehow intuitively knows when we take breaks, even if we are still on stage, and will come on up to ask his question then.

He knows to never leave the space. If he needs to, he will find an adult he knows and ask for help.

He is loved in my theater circles.

He even got to be the voice of the little boy when I did Death of a Salesman a couple years ago.

He'll get the autographs of all the ladies on the program.

He lives for it. He knows it. He loves it.

I recall another time when we were rehearsing and on a break when he did a little Charlie Chapman dance routine, complete with hat and cane.

And another time when he gave directions to a lovely friend of mine on some dance moves. She went along with him laughing all the while (I think there may be video evidence of this one...).

During shows, if he has to come with me, he sits quietly off-stage in the back corner, watches a movie and draws. If he needs to leave the green room for any reason, he knows which adult to ask for help (don't ask me how me hows stage appearance order, but he does) and they are more than happy to help.

Autistic or not, when you grow up with something, something with definite rules and boundaries, they become second nature to you. You just know. You just do.

So tonight when we go to rehearsal again, I know just where he will be. Sitting 3 rows back, left side (down stage right), 2nd seat in, playing on his iPad and munching on Cheetos.

He is my theater baby. :)

 Playing in the wood shop....

In the green room with Mommy...

In the dressing room while Mommy directed the Wardrobe crew. (He loved Brandon's spot the most!)

This mannequin in the Costume Shop brought him great joy.

Maybe, Just Maybe...

I am currently reading Loud Hands Autistic People, Speaking. If you haven't picked up a copy, do it. You will be thankful you did.

As I sit reading this anthology I can't help but cry. I cry on just about every page. But I'm not crying in a bad way. I'm crying in a good way.

The more I read the more I think that maybe, just maybe I am doing things right for my son.

Maybe, just maybe, I am not screwing him up...

When I send away or cancel TSS's and therapists because I know he doesn't have the ability (or spoons) to do anything more that day.

When I let him roam freely around the house lost in his own world chattering for hours on end without interrupting him, unless absolutely necessary.

When I allow him to hole up in a corner on the other end of the house for hours without batting an eye.

When I take him for a car ride at 10 pm because he can't sleep and wants to feel the vibrations and peace of the car.

When so-called professionals criticize me for not being strict enough, enforcing enough, drawing some boundary or another, and I let it roll off because they don't know him like I do.

When I let him crawl into my bed at 2 am because he needs the sensory warmth and pressure of my arms hugging him.

When I'm criticized (again) for not "structuring" his weekend into perfect schedules, instead preferring to let the days go as they may (which he needs after a structured week).

When I break things down into more manageable pieces so he doesn't get overwhelmed.

When I allow him to perseverate, stim, flap, whatever, away without so much as batting an eye.

When I allow him to feel the fabrics of any prospective clothes to make sure he can tolerate how they feel.

When I feed into his Super Mario "obsession."(Which I get criticized for too.)

When I continually ignore the latest Autism "must try" trend. (If it isn't broken why fix it? And y'all know my view on "broken.")

When I let him pick dinner nearly every night instead of having it be a reward (yeah, a reward? pshaw!!) even if it ends up being the same thing 5 nights in a row.

When I remain flexible and open to the fact that I might be wrong.

When I stop and listen. Truly listen. To him. To other Autistics.

When I adjust my day, my schedule, based on the spoons he has left so I don't stress him.

When he is unable to speak and I give him a pencil and piece of paper to write or draw instead.

When I make him promises, no matter how crazy they seem to others, and keep them.

When I let him, be him.

Isn't that what loving and cherishing your child is all about? Embracing every bit of them, adjusting your reality and your perceptions, to give them an emotionally positive, validating environment in which to grow and bloom?

I am told I spoil him, I'm not strict enough, I'm too flexible, I cater to him, I enable him, etc.

I disagree. I love, support, and embrace him. I'm sensitive to his needs, and for good reason.

I have one heck of an amazing young man in my house. I am proud to be his mommy. And I know he's thankful to have me. Heck, he told me he was the luckiest boy ever to have a mom like me. :)

Funny, Unique, and Simply Outrageous Things my Kiddo Does

After reflecting on a discussion I had with my son recently I realized he does some pretty funny things on a daily basis. They are all things he doesn't think much of but to the average person, would probably make them pause. (Though hopefully they don't stare for long.) I plan to list some here and perhaps expand on it as time goes on and other things pop up.

1. He purrs. Yes you read that correctly. When he's really happy, he purrs. This is a recent thing but has happened enough for me to actually have to stop and take note.

2. He uses his toes to help him keep track when working on math problems. The first time I saw the toe pop up I could not stop laughing!

3. Gives a running commentary on everything he does, including games he plays.

4. Wears goggles in the bathtub. A surefire way to keep mommy from taking pictures no doubt... :)

5. Writes me a note, every single night, after he goes to bed. Usually it's signed with lots of hearts too.

6. Writes his name in all capital letters. He didn't used to, but once he got his email address (specifically designed for kiddos his age, closely monitored/restricted, and linked to my email) he started doing it. Not sure why...

7. Sneaks into my room in the middle of the night to snuggle with me. He does love him some Mommy snuggles. Who am I kidding? I also love me some kiddo snuggles!

8. Rests his chin on L-shaped fingers when he's thinking about something. Which is really just so cute!

9. Every time he sees a Mario WII game he insists we have to get and play with R (my ex of many years who helped raise him and is the only 'dad' he knows).

10. Likewise, every Scooby Doo game he sees we have to get to share with Grandpa because Scooby Doo is Grandpa's favorite!

11. Ever since he was an infant he would tuck one hand under my arm and rest it in my arm pit, under my shirt. I asked him about it the other day. He said it was a calming thing. Fair enough.

12. He is obsessed with Super Mario. There is Mario stuff all over my house. Not to mention the 27 plush toys. Everything he does, draws, or thinks about will have some link to Mario.

13. He goes everywhere with me. Everywhere. He gets really upset if he finds out I went somewhere without him. He's gotten better about it over the years. Which is good, cause he really doesn't need to go to the ob/gyn!

14. He watches TV on the couch with the cushions fashioned as a tent. However, this only happens at Grandma's house. I'm ok with this. :)

15. He's as obsessed with spinny chairs on wheels as I am. Not only do you have to ride it across the room, but you have to spin while you are doing it also!

16. Whenever I am doing a show you can guarantee that at least once he'll be there for a rehearsal. You can also bet that at least once he will go up on that stage and start giving directions. I have a director in the making folks!

17. When visiting Grandma and Grandpa he sneaks next door to Great Grammy's house, sneaks in, helps himself to an apple, then sneaks out.

18. Also while visiting G&G, he'll sneak down to Great Grammy's, ring her doorbell and hide. Her only clue is the giggles from his hiding place.

19. He sleeps with his head under his pillow. Every. Single. Night.

20. Fills things up with water and hides them in the freezer, balloons, water bottles, volcanoes...

21. He makes me breakfast: frozen cheerios, microwave toast, and orange juice.

22. He makes cheese pie. It is horrific. :) One slice of bread, 5 or so slices of American cheese, microwaved. Yeah. The smell stays with you for days....

There are so many more! But we'll keep the list short. :)

This kiddo sure warms his mommy's heart! <3